I Like the Physical Connection

I just started smoking and love the way i feel and connect with others. My boyfriend gave me a nice hit and now I crave it. He does not want me on it anymore. Which sucks! Why would he give it to me in the first place? Too bad... I don't want to stop.

dude, figure out something and then accept it long enough to appreciate it all.. it's not as one sided as it's told and that why you vacillate so fast.. how bout saying hello publicly to the chick that stuck her crackhead *** out here in this board.. peace and love and more peace to you.. and that's just the crack talking..

i will come spend time with you

trust me you wont be disappointed

always horny on crack

you wont be board

e mail me at j.jruinz@yahoo.com

we will work something out

I am ashamed that I wrote this story as it is a disgusting example of how low I've allowed myself to go. Through self-centeredness I've become 'out of touch' with reality and what is truly important. Today LIT, your words suddenly sunk in and I've been overwhelmed with the hard truth. In my denial, I thought that I was only hurting myself, which was my intention, but I didn't see the bigger picture that included others I cared for or amazingly, cared for me. When you said that I 'missed out' I was reminded of two precious gifts God had given me this year and one of them was time and the other was someone 'way better than crack', to share it with. How I let those gifts go is as frightening as it was stupid. Love is about giving and sharing - something my addictions never taught me, they just served the self. If I can't learn to give, unconditionally, then I can't learn to love. In essence I chose a substitue for love. I have lost much stuff over the years, but this loss of what you can't replace, has finally hit home. Living in my ego has left me empty and alone, and missing out on everything that has value. Livingisterminal, thankyou for the truth. I also realize now, how badly I need to get help.

There is no happiness in crack. I've rarely seen anyone smile on it. It seems to be a stage where the disappointed go to give-up. Missed out on talking to someone? I had an alcoholic, bitter room-mate who knew how to judge and label and when I had fallen in love, - spit on the very idea and told me that: 'it didn't exist, give her a break, and , grow up',- I didn't want to talk to her. Crack was a psychological and emotional suicide built on years of knowing I was a coward, and the hopelessness of being less-than. No, there is no happiness on the body vibration, - just escape. Thanks for the insight, but there is more to it than what may be perceived. And knowing that people that you cared about, reduce you to the lowest level in opinion, - well, that's just more fuel for the flame.

You're right.! And I think I am learning.

I must have been coming down offa crack when I wrote this. Excuse me. I said something about being a weak male who just wants to spend time with 'him'. There is no 'him'. I must have been referring to the warm body, -so to speak- who I am doing the crack with. It's always a woman, and I imagine something good will come out of it, but, little does. It does fuel my imagination, and I get to express my fantasies and hear there story, because they have em, cause they turn tricks for the ****. I try and store up the stories in remembrance so I can think of em later. I am the underground voyeur, living with their off color life, stimulating my abberant imagination.