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I'm a Crack Addict

My name is Ed and I'm an addict. I have along history of addictions 33yrs of it. I started out at a young age drinking and smoking pot. I grew up with alcoholic  parents and grandparents they thought it was fun to see us kids drunk. I was kick out at 13yrs old an learned to survive on my own. I spent a lot of years running from one place to a other all across Canada. Getting in trouble every where always blaming other people of my troubles even my two exwifes and kids. Not understanding that it was my addiction to drugs and alcohol that was my trouble. It end up that it was crack that save my life. I mean it was the one that did me in, I started looking for something different to hide my pain an loneliness I had a wonderful wife and a great daughter a great job but it wasn't enough I still was lonely and "F" in the head I good not find happiness. I spent 3yrs going from crack house to crack house or anywhere to get high. I would not go home for days my family look for me every where but I was always on the move. The crack dealers were my Friends because I had a good job and lots of money. Finely in the end I was going to do what I do best RUN, Quit my job, leave my family and Hide from myself. The last seven day I sat in a crack house at a kitchen table did not eat,shower or leave my spot at the table. It was then my family found me my 11yr old daughter walk in an seen a monster, I went from 150lb to 95lbs my eyes where bleeding from been up all that time I was a mess. All I remember is the look on my daughters face with big tears steaming down her face the look of fear. No child should have to see that I was her father she love me for all my faults but even that was to much for her to handle. God love her. They carried me out of there because I could not walk and straight to a treatment center. The company I work for paid for my treatment were I still work. I have been clean for 4yrs now and I'm happy to be alive. So like I said crack done me in an now I spend a lot of time helping people with addictions. An when I feel down an out I just remember the look on my daughters face and it still makes me cry to think of that. So for thous of you who need help find someone or place to go don't put your family and Friends though that I don't deserve that. The program works if you work it. Got to love addicts they save my life.    Ed

edupnorth edupnorth 46-50, M 8 Responses Jun 23, 2009

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r u in maimi

A VERY TOUCHING TESTAMENT, SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO HIT ROCK BOTTOM TO BE ABLE TO SEE THE TOP

I've been addicted to Cocaine and then crack for ten years now..started in college..I don't have the money to get in an in house treatment..tried outpatient...tried NA..I've stopped for six months at a time..but it always comes back..I don't know what to do? It will eventually kill me..I'm guessing a stroke or heart attack in my 40's or 50's...I don't know what to do...

If you do not love yourself, how are you going to love others? I believe this story is an example of love. Your daughter loved you so much she cried for you. Her love for you couldn't to see you like that. And you, who loves her back, changed your life. Amazing. I believe because of your daughter, it gave you the strength to love yourself again. Now you have to forgive yourself and the fact that you are helping others is great. I do not understand why people are sad. The only thing I can thing I can think of is because they do not know the truth. I remember those day when I was just dead, just breathing, nothing but pain, darkness, in heaviness in my heart.. I was suicidal, I hated life, but I made a choice to be happy and changed my life. I can not be unhappy, I refuse. I deserve better than that and its hard to be genuinely happy when others.

Good for you ... leaves more out there for the rest of us who love ******* our ***** as the rush **** on ...

my 14 freind, whos a girl, has started taking the stuff. im rly upset by this, and she smokes and drinks aswell. in no way this is lie. this post is probably very old now, but anyone with any ideas would be great. she refused to call childline which is all i could think of. i really dont know what to do, and this has really upset me.

You cannot stop a drug addict. You can only be ready when she is willing to surrender. Some never quit. Please know that you are powerless and must not allow this to consume you

My daughter-in-law abuses xanax and oxy's. When I visit she is usually in a comatose state, sitting with her head hanging down or her face in a plate of food. My son will stay up all nite just to make sure she is still breathing. She doesn't think she is an addict because the Dr. gives them to her and she only does them when she has them. In my opinion you need to get help because rarely does anyone get better without support. Why not go to rehab, help is out there. You love your son, I pray you are there to raise him into manhoood. God bless you and your family.

ED, thank you for sharing yur very personal expierence w/ us. I am an addict also. I am addicted to prescribed medication;ie, Xanax is my worse. I do like to relax on somas when ever I get them. I take pain meds everyday, I am not addicted to them yet, or mabye i am. The bad thing is that I need this medicine,especially the xanax. The problem is that when I have them I eat them all. I have a beautiful 2yr old son who is my everything!!! I live w/ his father, who is very mean and abusive. If i get 90,90,and90. I can promise that in 3-4 days they will all be gone. I'll share w. anyone who ask me, the bottles seem like they will never go empty. before i know it, i have taken all of my medication and i am screwed when i have panic attacks. I was really bad b4 my son was born. i use to eat, not take, 30 xanbars and 15 somas a day was nothing. I always had bruses, black eyes from falling, or so I was told. I would wake up on the floor passed out for the whole day. I can take all the xanax i want in a day and no one notices. Somas are the stupid pills, u cant talk,walk,or anything. If, when i get the somas, i do them when my son is asleep. I can take a few and get the buzz i am searching for, but know what i am doing. I am not strong enough to have my own prescriptions on my person w/o eating them like candy. I want to change so bad, I pray all the time that god will deliver me from this, I use to drive loaded, I dont do that anymore, i just cant wait to get home so i can relax(especially when the meanest man i know is nothome) my parents are addicts too. the same. My son s father is the biggest weed head i have ever seen. I started the abuse when I got w. this man. He use to be very physicallyabusive, now its mostly verbal. I need to get my son outta here and I need to change my habits. I am a very good mother. my son knows he is so loved and I take excellent care of him. I just do not want him to grow up w/ an addict 4 a mom. He deserves the best life, not the kind I had for sure. I go to the drs friday and I keep telling myself I can do this. I always tell myself that because I really want to be able to control this myself(on my own) I know people who are so strong and can do it, Why can't i be one of them? Reading ur story made me so happy to get to the end, because it was a good ending. great beginning! Thank god u have a great wife and kid. who stood by ur side, I ask my sig-other 4 help(hold my meds and givve 2 me as needed)he says ur a grown up hold ur own f***** med's, I aint helping u. That hurts so bad ,but I get talked to like that everysec of evrydy.. I am sooooooo happy 4 u and ur fly. I know people on crack and I swear the rate of kicking tht stuff is not good at all. I cant say I know anyone who ever has. Your lucky and very blessed. thanks again for sharing ed.... good luck and gods speed !!!