To My Best Fren

It bring us together, a common goal.
Don't be surprised when its all that's left of me to know.
Friends are like a mirror of yourself, its true.
I guess that's why we think this way of each other one night & start tomorrow anew.
Growing out of a friend is natural in life.
But how ****** up is it that it happens now and in this time?
We clearly need each other now more than ever
But the trust seems gone& all I'm thinking is I don't kno how to tell her.
The drug that turns you against the last person left in you're life. A bestfriend.
How's that for its ************* advertisement.
Deep inside I knew it wasn't gonna last, like wahts another person leaving my life
Juss follow the 12 step process everyone else got through just fine
You don't believe in me, you believe in the drug
I can't believe in yu, bcos let's be honest we're both the same amount of stuck
Dealing with the worst kind of luck
Nothing goes our way but damn
I can't sell my soul for this "life of methemphetamine" you"ve already planned
If I give in my life won't be very long now will it?
I thought you could be more than this that's why I can't understand shyt
You make a million & 1 excuses for yur new best friend
But I knew yu before the monster came in your life& yu were way different
We're sitting in yur room now& all is forgotten
I'm not even sure if this is a web I should be getting caught in
The truth is that I would never understand or feel the feelings that you do with everything you've been through
I grew up hearing stories about my friends fights w/ life& so all I wanted was to be there for you
I wish you would be more positive about the situation
But who am I to talk if I have no hope & feel caged in
You've been through shyt I can't imagine but that doesn't mean you know how I personally feel either
But you've been acting real strange & let me tell yu it isn't getting any easier
I only complain to you, you're the only one I can to
I say I'm trapped in my mind& you just have to know what its like don't you?
You're life hasn't been as lucky as mine
But don't expect me to say you understand when you don't
Just like you expect the same from me& I won't
The way you've felt you're whole life I will never comprehend, nor have I ever tried to say that I do
But I do try to see it from your point of view
Thats why I try and compare my life with yours
Clearly if I never had hope then I get why you don't
& yenno what melissa? yur not the only one who had to learn how to cope
I'm sick of feeling guilty for having problems of my own
you say I'd never understand & you act like you're the only one who's able to feel pain
Yours is more expanded but that doesn't mean mine has been like a candyland game
Its weird to me cos when I met you you were happy, sure it was a mask
But I could just tell you were more than just you're past
Get real, I've been cutting since I was a kid
When I told you, you were the person who cldnt even pick up a razor & look at it
You don't know how I feel, you never will.
Your setting in life is unfortunately one without a mom, dad, & sister,
Like seriously **** that you shouldn't have been through any of it.
My life was very different
Its been a living hell bcos of those same people being IN my life & I had more than a lot to deal with
My parents have always been there, yeah I think its called luck.
I never felt I was loved, I only felt I was being controlled so my mind wouldn't take over, yeah aren't I a lucky ****?
I'm blessed, everyone thinks it until they get a feel of my home life& change their outlook
But my problems were more than the abuse I felt by my parents, I'm no open book.
Just bcos there under the same roof doesn't mean I felt their love or really even knew them
But I never complained, I would punish my self for it instead
I still think its my fault I'm such a mess & that its not just in my head
You probably know more shyt about your mom than I do about both my parents.
But I'm not saying if I were you I wouldn't also be jealous
You really don't know my life, you haven't been in my shoes
But I wouldn't blame you if you wished to
Just don't try to tell me you know what its like to feel my pain, yu don't know the feeling
Don't judge my "perfect life" so soon
Try having the people you love always in the same house& yet feel further from them than even the moon
They sleep a few feet away& all I've ever been is ignored
They didn't leave me by myself, they just left me feeling torn
I don't even know who I am
There's no way they'll let me be someone they haven't planned
Too bad I've become someone nobody can face
I can't even tell you how I really feel when we touch base
All I know is that I'm not evil, I'm just a ***** & its how I've always been
You on the other hand can't say that's the character you started in
You've definitely changed
All you see now is yur own pain
Which is understanding considering the bullshyt boo
The things you've had to deal with it has brought the mean out in you
I try to help you not be so down on yourself but come on I'm a cutter I shouldn't be giving you advice
The fact that I'm trying is more than I usually do for anyone else that's been in my life
The present is a ***** too but you need to start trying with your FUTURE
I'm gonna tell you straight up that's why I'm a ***** & this time I don't care
You always tell me yur smart, sure
But yet yu haven't realized glass isn't ever going to be that cure
You have to stop
The thought of your sister should be your excuse
Don't ruin her life bcos of your own feelings& substance abuse
Speaking first hand from being a big sister
There's nobody I wouldn't kill or nothing I wouldn't do for her
She's my baby, the only light left in my world
You need to start thinking straight before you take another person out of hers
I talk so much about all the depression now, I'd rather act like its not there not make it worse
I get annoyed of myself, but I still feel I can't get out even a word
I have respect for the problems you're facing, I value your worth
Try doing the same for me, try seeing the point of view from my eyes
If I can at least understand that I will never feel you're hurt
Then you need to the same for me
There's always more to what you see
But I'll never uncover all I've kept in my head
I think I'd rather keep my shyt to myself since I'm almost on my death bed
We both have problems, who has the bigger one doesn't matter
Bcos the fact we need to face is digging a bigger hole than we can fathom
We're both addicts, let's just be honest
So waht do we do when we run out of the shyt
I doubt the air that we breathe will be enough
But our existance isn't gonna last w/ a pass & puff puff        
nodopenohope nodopenohope
18-21, F
May 12, 2012