Ego Death Sucks

The first time I smoked salvia, I looked into the bathroom mirror and my hair had taken on the appearance of an owl; it was a feathered headdress that I, The Great Owl Warrior, wore as I charged into battle.

One of the most terrifying experiences I've ever had is the death of my ego. I smoked salvia in a circle of friends and in an instant everything I had ever known poofed away. I was suddenly this being that had no reference points to make sense out of its existence. I forgot that I was human, that I had a name, a family and friends, a life... I didn't know where I was, who I was, or what I was. 

Apparently, in the midst of this existential confusion, I got up, walked into the front door, bounced off, and sat back down.

After a few minutes of terror, familiar reference points began to take hold in my reality. I could hear things outside of 'me'. They were voices.... "Aha!" I realized. Other people exist too! And oh my god! These people are people I know, they're friends! WOW, I'm effervescence! I exist and I'm surrounded by people I know! I smoked salvia and that's why I'm going through this!

There is nothing as sweet as realizing that You exist, and that you're not some nameless entity with no concept of reality adrift in a sea of confusion.
effervescence effervescence
26-30, M
6 Responses Aug 7, 2010

trippy stuff I wouldn't touch it.

"There is nothing as sweet as realizing that You exist, and that you're not some nameless entity with no concept of reality adrift in a sea of confusion."

The latter is...generally what I view reality as.
You might want to look into the various symbolic meanings of owls, if you have not already.

Well said. The unknown I think is really scary, to our egos, but it shouldn't be shunned. At least I don't think it should be. I say go in for more understanding, if that's what you want.

That's some crazy stuff. Knowing that it causes psychedelic stuff like that would cause a experience like that. I never had salvia but hearing that from you I bet it's a pretty bad idea to turn to that if your main problem is dealing with non existence. <br />
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Hopefully you won't ever do anymore of that, man. Crazy story though.

I had a VERY similar experience<br />
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And it wasn't the death of your ego.... but it sure did shake it up. Your ego tells you who you it THINKS you are, where you're from, your life history.... it tells you if your current experience is good or bad - it likes to talk a lot! I can assure you that you are not your ego..... because it's only thought. You are that nameless entity, the ETERNAL, it reaches through you and uses you to experience LIFE. You are SO MUCH MORE than Ego. What you experienced, just as I did, led you back to just a small portion of your true self. Don't let it be a bad thing, as your ego would like it to be (because really it doesn't want you to KNOW who YOU are, it would rather THINK about what it wants you to be.) <br />
When you STOP YOUR THOUGHTS you are that eternal awareness looking out. I don't know if you can understand this, or even believe it.... Don't be afraid of the unknown, it will lead you to greater truth far more unbelievable than you can imagine :D

ahhhh salvia, that sounds scary. Don't do it anymore. :]<br />
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I smoked it when i was 16, and well I just had a huge panic attack and that didn't go down well, so after I settled down the rest of them smoked it and well it was funny to watch.<br />
:]