New Salvia User - Distrubing (death?) Experience

I'm a male, a little over 40 years old.  My psychedelic experiences (LSD) all happened as teenager, and probably did it 15 times, a few were high doses.  Never had the urge to try them again.  In fact I quit all drug use for over 10 years, but remain a binge drinker, and a once or twice a year pot smoker.  Anyway, stumbled upon the movie "Into The Void" on Netflix, which lead to watching the documentary, "DMT- The Spirit Molecule".  Then bought and read the book DMT-Spirit Molecule and "Trypimine Palace", so anyway the interest was sparked again.  Watch youtube videos of folks taking Salvia, researched the drug, and saw that it is legal in my state.  Bought some of the strongest from which seemed to be a reputible online vendor.  108mg/g of Salvinorium A.  Think it was 88 dollars for the gram with shipping.  After watching the youtube videos I was scared about too high an initial dose, and especially since I would not have "sitter", I could trust and allow to know what I was up to.  I'm an educated professional with a good job, and smoking salvia is not accepted.  But I'm a bit different, as imagine anyone who wants to try salvia is.

So in a sober condition, I try it a couple times same day.  A very paculiar feeling, a bit different than LSD, but like I said a long time since I've tripped anyway.  A strange sense that there was something evil about, who kind of imparted to me, hey, you've just touched your toe into this ocean and made a little ripple, we'd love to have you in.  So that was a strange feeling, and only brief distortion of vision.

About a week later, and after several drinks, feel a bit bolder.  The visuals were a bit stronger, and remember standing in the brightly fluroscent lit kitchen, starting to sense that everything in a plane about mid waste high was going to fold up over me.  That was freaking and glad that I had not done enough to have it go all the way and happen.  A little later that night after 3 or 4 shots and a six pack, decide I'll plug in this plexiglass cube I have with numerous multicolored lights inside which cycles through a long every changing pattern display.  So sit down, put on a plesant song, turn on the cube, and take a nice big hit and hold it.  Looking at the cube for about 10 seconds or so, nothing is changing in my field of vison, then look over my shoulder and notice that it is dark outside.  I about **** my pants.  It was light outside when I took the hit.  I look at my watch and over 45 minutes had passed.  I look at my phone as I had just talked to my ex-girfriend about 5-10 minutes before I smoked.  The call was almost an hour ago.  I ******* lost about 45 minutes of my life, completely in the blink of a second.  THAT was about the strangest thing which has ever happend to me.  I never even felt "high", and didn't feel "high" after I turned to look over my shoulder in what seemed like 10 seconds since taking the hit.

Now an intelligent person would throw that **** away and never look back.  Not me.

Several days later, I'm drinking and decide to experiment again.  Will spare the details of the mini-trips on salvia, other than to say, I'm starting to become familar with the paculiar feeling associated with the drug.  It has a unique signature so to speak.  Which leads me up to my purpose for writing as I just need to tell someone about my very last experience with Salvia.

So after drinking pretty heavily for 8 or 9 hours I decide to do a nice hit.  After doing so feel the effects come on quick as they do, close my eyes, and visualize a multi-colored pinwheel of sorts spinning counterclockwise.  Then it gets really strange.  With every sweep of the wheel more and more of my existance is being erased.  I can't feel anything, and am immersed in the experience.  For some reason the word carnival comes to mind, and not sure if that is because I heard anything, music or otherwise.  But as this is happening and happening quickly, I'm thinking I've done it.  This is how it ends.  This is how I die here an now.  So quickly being swept away into this wheel or whatever it is.  My existence and mind being erased and eliminated.  I don't remember coming out of it, and wasn't partcularly phased by the experience immediately afterwards.  Continued on facebook or whatever.  I think that was because I was drunk.  The next day, when I reflected back, I was shocked and disturbed by the experience.  If this is one possible death senario, just being quickly erased and swept away, then it makes a bit sad and scared.  Should also mention that the immersion there was no calling out, or resisting in any way, one was completely helpless and that was what was going to happen period.  Did I have a near death experience, **** I don't know, but it was very queer, and not like I would have thought a near death experience would be like.  Being erased and assimilated into something completely non-organic and indifferent, like something with zero worth or any impact on the world for ones entire life.  Swept off the face of everything like you were never born, in a matter of seconds.  ******* crazy :)

ArcticF ArcticF
41-45, M
1 Response May 18, 2012

Yeah that helpless feeling is pretty profound alright. How do you fight something that can warp your entire consciousness so completely that you don't even remember who you are? Even worse when it takes you by surprise and you don't know. The trip is not even the worst thing, it's how you feel when you come back.