Someone Out There Has to Relate to Me Here...

I have made two documentations of my journeys with salvia.  I went twice, and will most likely be remaining here on earth, as I dont know that I can handle another trip on this chemical.  These are long and hard to read probably, but if you relate to them I would love to talk about what you had happen to you.  This for me was no joke at all, and nothing to be taken lightly. ---

--------------------------FIRST TRIP-------------------------

Last night I had one of the most profound experiences of my life. Actually, it was the most profound experience of my life, bar none. It was induced by a leaf called salvia divinorum, which is a hallucinogen of epic proportions. So epic, that the state of mind you go to when you are on it is your new reality, and the world you knew before is nothing but a distant dream, and that is a central point of what my experience made me feel. It began with the song "Unintended" by Muse, which became the theme song of my journey on such a deep level that I cannot possibly put it into words. I inhaled the smoke, and held my breath for as long as I could before I exhaled. It took about 10 seconds before I started losing control of my mind. My last coherent memory was me saying "Whoah dude!" to my friend to let him know that I felt crazy and that this was no slouch of a chemical. That was my last moment where I recognized that I was on a chemical though, after that, I was in a new world...
 
     I apparently was looking around the entire time in the real world, eyes open, but not seeing. My new reality crashed my world in a way that I would have never, ever, ever thought possible. My friends face was in a mass of tumbling space/time matter, and he was telling me that my life was over, and that it was time to go, but that it was all ok. My human life was over. He was almost laughing at me, and the fact that I didnt understand what was happening. He was at complete ease in this indescribably intense moment. My consciousness had trancended my earthly body and had taken on the form of an idea. There was no cohesive visual that I can desribe, it was an idea in my mind only, but it was more real than the world that I live in. This was no dream though. There was no waking up. I believed this like I have never believed anything, I believed that I would never come back to this world at all, and that it really had evaporated. My mind told me that the universe was collapsing and that it was time to leave earth and travel through time forever as a being that I cannot describe.
 
     So far, this would sound wonderful. It was not. This was real to me, and what it meant was that my life was over. I had to come to the realization that I was not a human anymore and that everything I ever knew, loved, and thought was all a figment of my imagination. None of it mattered at all. My parents, my job, my friends...everything, all fake. That was my reality, and it is the most scared that I have ever been, or can possibly imagine being over anything that could be offered by the world. I actually came to terms with this, and fully lost hope that I could ever return.
 
     I remember asking, "Can I come back?". I was pleading for my life to anyone around me that might hear. Some faint hope that I was still able to come back to my life. Apparently at this point, Kyle told me that we were just sitting on a couch. I heard it and I remember feeling so angry. I have never felt that angry before, I was so mad that something would tease me with something that could never come to be. He reached over me to hand me a pillow from the couch to prove it. I believe when his arm touched me, it sparked something in my mind that let me believe that it was possible again. I grabbed onto his arm so tight, he told me it hurt him when I was back. That is how intensely I believed this. I remember holding onto this arm in my state of mind thinking this was my one chance to live again, and I was not going to let it go. At some point he did get the pillow into my hands though...
 
     That pillow was the embodiment of all good in the world to me. The feelings that that pillow gave me are the most intense sensations of pleasure I have ever felt. It was an anchor back to the world. How could this pillow exist if the life I remembered was all fake? Apparently I snapped at my friend when he asked if i didnt want the pillow. I guess I was looking at it with an odd expression and he didnt know if it was good or bad.
 
     It was around that time that I began to believe fully that I could come back. I was rubbing my hand to see if it was real. I could feel sweat, it was slippery, fleshy, and real. I was seeing my friend not as an entity in space, but as a human, but I was still stuck. There was a thickness separating my arm in half, half in the world, half in this dreamstate. I had to battle with my consiousness to leave this darkness behind and enter the world of life again, and slowly my arm came free and I regained control of myself.
 
     This all sounds very odd, and probably similar to many dreams. It was not a dream at all, and this event is as real in my mind as the events that have happened so far today in my real life. I felt fear, joy, relief, despair, and many more emotions more powerfully than I ever have because of this, and they were real. Nothing separates these two states of mind. There is no safety net, no back of the mind realization that this is not happening, this is another reality as real to your mind as anything. I have visited a new plane of existence, and I will be going back.

-------------------------SECOND TRIP----------------------

Trying to get this out of my head somehow is necessary before I can get back to a normal state of mind.  Writing is the only way to portray what has happened to me in any even semi accurate way, although I fully expect this document to be long, and very difficult to make sense of for anyone but me.  The only other person out there that will understand what I write here will be someone who has experienced the place that I have been taken to.  Based on stories that I have read online from others who have taken this journey, I believe such people are out there, and perhaps more will show up in time. Something absolutely unexplainable has happened to me.

  ----------------------

"Welcome back," a completely inaudible voice whispered.

Then a feeling of horrible irreversible recognition.  A clammy thickness covered my hands, and the feeling of a slight breeze over sweaty palms filled my entire perception of reality.  Somehow that is what I felt.  That is how I knew without an ounce of doubt that I was back in that reality.  My hands became clammy masses and melded together, and my entire being melded with the universal fabric of space and time.  Universal fabric of space and time.  What does that even mean?  Before this journey I would have never typed those words with any thought that they would have a meaning to me, but now they do.

My entire perception of my consciousness had become one with this fabric.  This fabric is made of everything that my mind has ever contemplated, and perhaps, somehow...more.  When I have gone to this plane, my ability to control any aspect of it evaporates.  As I meld with this fabric, I become unable to turn my viewpoint(or head as you would call it in the real world, there is no body here).  My view is fixed only on what is directly ahead of me, and the fabric is always moving forward through time and space.  Any attempt to turn just keeps me pointed ever forward, despite the feeling of movement. A perpetual camera with only one view despite rotating it.  This is one of the most life altering memories I have ever had to contend with.  Imagine being unable to control your very essence of consciousness on any level whatsoever. Period.  I am also no longer alone.  My friends that were in the room with me are welcoming me back to this realm. 

My vision of them now is just of their heads being to each side of me as I look ever forward, but they are slightly ahead of me in my peripheral vision.  Slightly ahead and always mocking me with their knowledge that I lack.  Why am I the only one of us cursed with thinking I belonged somewhere else?  These floating entities that always wore a smile of knowing something that I didn't, always.  This was reality they told me reassuringly and confidently.  There was no going back to any human life. There never was a human life. NEVER. NEVER. NEVER.  The reality of that will not register with anyone reading this, unless you have been here.  At this point, I fully accepted that the time between my two journeys had been a dream.  A figment of this fabrics imagination, and that I had now woken back up in reality to move ever forward through space and time.  Moving forward through space and time as a singular entity comprised of everything that the universe had ever contained.

And that is when something hit me.  Something so profoundly powerful that I didn't even have any recollection of it for hours after I had recovered from my trip.  This place is different.  I suppose this stuff is already ridiculous enough that I should just type here that describing this is making me break down in real life.  I am uncontrollably crying as I type this.  Not because it is sad, but because it is so indescribably beautiful and serenely potent that I cannot contain myself.  I recognized at this time that this place I went, joining this fabric, made sense.  There was nothing that was unanswered.  Everything was known.  What problems did I have here?  What could not be solved?  What needed solving at all?  I knew everything that I could ever ponder at this moment.  I was one with the fabric that contained every possible solution to every conceivable scenario to ever theoretically exist in the universe.  I did not control this entity, but nothing did.  Nothing was in control of this plane.  It was all together, travelling as one, through itself I suppose.  This entity had figured out how to exist in perfect harmony with everything that had ever existed.

I don't think my brain could handle this information.  The crashing realizations that my subconscious was coming to must have caused me to need to come back to reality, or the effects of the chemical must have been wearing off, because I again pleaded "I need to come back now", in the real world to my friends, using my real voice.  I remember reaching out to touch my friend Kyle to give me some anchor to bind to.  And as I came back into this world, I completely lost my mind and sanity I believe. It was temporary, but it was complete.  I remember putting my face in both of my palms and hyperventilating as I rocked back and forth unable to come to terms with everything that I had gone through.  I recall doing this vividly, and it took all of my willpower to accept that I was back and maintain a state of mind where I could interact with these people in the room, and this world around me.

And now I am fully  back.  I am in this world now, and I think I will remain here.  I had a thought process today that made me wonder what would happen if I went again right now, fully plunged back to the other side.  I believe it would be too much for me to bare.  I believe I might come back to this world forever changed, and forever doubting its reality.  I am already having unexplainable sensations that this reality is still false, and that at any moment I will be waking up into the fabric of this other realm.  It is such an odd place I have come to.  Both of my trips have taken me to the exact same plane.  I cannot accept that this plane is a figment of my mind, not even slightly for one moment.  I just don't know where I have gone or how, or why. 

This fabric is somewhere out there right now, or will be here someday, at least to get me.  Faith is not a word that has garnered much attention from me, but I have just been torn in half by new information that goes against everything I thought I could be comfortable believing about life and what it means, and feel that I must now get to know faith a bit better.  I now have faith that there is a greater purpose to all of this **** we call the world.  There really is hope for all of the uncertainties that exist in the mind to be answered.  There really will be some all encompassing end to this struggle we have in our consciousness.  I am more sure of this than I am of anything else.  I believe with more faith in this than anything else, including this reality on earth.  That is honestly what I mean. 

I guess this has to sound utterly insane to anyone who actually read this far into this poorly structured cluster-**** of a story.  I really think there are people out there who would read this and know exactly what I am talking about, and if you want to, I would love to talk to anyone who has been this deep into their consciousness.  I feel relieved after this.  Writing this can never, ever illustrate the reality of what I have gone through, but it has helped me filter through it and get it processed.  I would have a hard time functioning as a normal person if I always had this weighing fully on my mind.  I think getting this out has lifted that off of me for now, so I am going to get some sleep.
 

moonshark55 moonshark55
22-25
9 Responses Feb 21, 2009

Wow, I had the exact same trip on SD three different times. Everything you guys have described is exactly what I experienced. I recently within the last week bought the 40x salvia extract. I've tried 10x and tripped hard but never tried the 40x before this. Anyway, I hit the bowl the first time and it didn't really do anything. So I took one more hit this time a huge one. I actually forget to let out my hit because my trip started while still holding it, so I actually started choking. It was crazy I remember coughing real bad and not being able to breathe when all of the sudden my entire reality changed completely. I remember feeling my entire face and body start to melt like I was made of plastic. It didn't heart but felt like if your bleeding from the head, that light headed feeling you get while at the same time you feel your blood dripping. Well imagine that type of feeling except your entire body just starts melting. Then it gets really weird. The walls couch floor and everything else in the room was attatched to me. Everything was all attatched like I was just a 2D ob<x>ject and the walls floor and couch were all just part of one big picture I was part of. I remember everything completely changing to a 2D type world. Then I started spinning around a weird never ending circle of realitys. Basically it was like I was watching my entire existence on sheets of paper spining around a kalidascope.. And each piece of paper was a different reality I could go to. There was no time time, It was a series of events or lifetimes (not sure since I didnt enter). Even though I had smoked salvia before and had the same experience I didnt even realize I had hit salvia. I was scared that I would get stuck in this weird circle elevator type thing and get stuck in between the floors (worlds). I remember standing up and grabbing the wall to try to pull myself back. Then everything started spining to a stop. I thought for sure that I had lived in that parallel universe since the last time that I smoked salvia and I was just now coming back. It was the scariest thing you can ever experience, even if your total prepared for whats gonna happen you will forget everything you thought you were ready for. To sum it up, savia is proof that everything is actually connected and that we seem to live in a sort of holographic reality. Just like your brain hears the right frequencies and turns them into sound. Your brain also senses the holographic frequencies of reality and tunes you into concious. I think what salvia does is distorts your perception of these frequencies making it possible to actually escape this reality of the hollographic world.

Wow, I had the exact same trip on SD three different times. Everything you guys have described is exactly what I experienced. I recently within the last week bought the 40x salvia extract. I've tried 10x and tripped hard but never tried the 40x before this. Anyway, I hit the bowl the first time and it didn't really do anything. So I took one more hit this time a huge one. I actually forget to let out my hit because my trip started while still holding it, so I actually started choking. It was crazy I remember coughing real bad and not being able to breathe when all of the sudden my entire reality changed completely. I remember feeling my entire face and body start to melt like I was made of plastic. It didn't heart but felt like if your bleeding from the head, that light headed feeling you get while at the same time you feel your blood dripping. Well imagine that type of feeling except your entire body just starts melting. Then it gets really weird. The walls couch floor and everything else in the room was attatched to me. Everything was all attatched like I was just a 2D ob<x>ject and the walls floor and couch were all just part of one big picture I was part of. I remember everything completely changing to a 2D type world. Then I started spinning around a weird never ending circle of realitys. Basically it was like I was watching my entire existence on sheets of paper spining around a kalidascope.. And each piece of paper was a different reality I could go to. There was no time time, It was a series of events or lifetimes (not sure since I didnt enter). Even though I had smoked salvia before and had the same experience I didnt even realize I had hit salvia. I was scared that I would get stuck in this weird circle elevator type thing and get stuck in between the floors (worlds). I remember standing up and grabbing the wall to try to pull myself back. Then everything started spining to a stop. I thought for sure that I had lived in that parallel universe since the last time that I smoked salvia and I was just now coming back. It was the scariest thing you can ever experience, even if your total prepared for whats gonna happen you will forget everything you thought you were ready for. To sum it up, savia is proof that everything is actually connected and that we seem to live in a sort of holographic reality. Just like your brain hears the right frequencies and turns them into sound. Your brain also senses the holographic frequencies of reality and tunes you into concious. I think what salvia does is distorts your perception of these frequencies making it possible to actually escape this reality of the hollographic world.

i saw everyting turn into puzzle pieces...clicking away...including me....i thought i was stuck there also, i could hear many other voices, but i was alone ..20X

Also to add to my post... I was reading more on this and I also found exactly what I felt and this was the pain I was describing<br />
<br />
Basically that OP said that during his trip he was riding in his car and he tried to escape the vehicle but when he did he felt like he was a part of the car<br />
<br />
This is what I wrote<br />
<br />
" "I tried to step out of the car, but it felt as if i was part of the seat and couldn't get out."<br />
<br />
when it felt like you were part of the seat did it like hurt really bad? like couldn't you feel yourself being like sewn into the chair? thats what it felt like to me... it was like I had all of these memories and I was just being sewn into them and everything I could ALMOST escape but every time I got close I just kept being sewn into this "fabric" <br />
and it was just a continuous loop of me being sewn into this fabric and I thought that my whole world and reality and I know it was all fake and nothing actually existed. I just remember having this like "memory trip" that I was actually being sewn into which was very painful. <br />
<br />
and that's basically everything I have experienced with one hit of it and that's my only hit ever.

Holy ****... I took this today and I was trying to explain what I felt like... and the original post and mjfrazier's post explain what I felt PERFECT!! The part about being in a fabric or page was EXACTLY what I felt... like it was just one continuous rotaiton that was non stop and it felt like everything was slowly being taken away like all of my memories and ****... and it seemed like everything that was familiar was showing up in my vision and it was just being destroyed... I also remember Having a really painful sensation during my trip when I would be spinning around in a non<x>stop cycle that was really loud and seemed to hurt like I was almost running into something every time I would like make a complete circle. (I was like spinning in a constant circle like I was in orbit around some imaginary pole). I could also remember feeling like I was in another orbit like just kinda like my feet were stationary on some imaginary pole and I would like just be spinning in circles around this imaginary pole and it felt like I was running into a huge wall or something every time I reached the top of this "pole". and besides that I remember Spondgebob was on the tv and I vaguely remember seeing the words thank you come out from the tv and come over to me and It was just really uncomfortable. this was all basically me being blacked out also... I couldn't remember seeing anything except once during my trip. when I was coming down and after I basically woke up from blacking out I heard some kind of splat noise and I looked and everything in the room looked as if it was like thrown at a wall... this is going to be weird to try to explain but everything in the room was all 2D and **** and everything was in its right place it was just flat and I could like peel it off of whatever it was stuck to and it would appear back to normal. like for instance I remember peeling my arm off an imaginary invisible wall and I also remember my friend starting to move his whole body and he went from 2D to normal... Also when I woke up and saw everything "splattered" I felt like It was my responsibility to put everything back and I was really worried on how I was going to make everything better again... It was also really painful to try to peel everything that was stuck which was really crazy haha... Did anyone else feel kinda like that?

my trip had some of the same ideas. i too felt as if i was in a fabric, or page in my trip, that i could not turn away from what was directly in front of me and that i had no control. i was just gowing through this fabric in one direction and could not view my suroundings. in my trip i could not recollect even smoking the salvia in the first place which caused me to believe i was losing my mind. i felt that reality as i knew it was all fake and that in this state of mind i was being shown something more. something with a much deeper meaning that i couldnt fully understand. im glad i read your story. i somehow feel that all trips are connected. that this "world" i travelled to had been visited by others before. that there is a possibility that 2 could meet in this alternate dimension.

I am glad I read your story. I had a profoundly different experience (you can read my story too) and can't wait to try it again, but your description and the reactions of two of my buddies makes me hesitant. I was planning on doing it next time without any supervision (to avoid all interruptions) but now I am second-guessing that (maybe my husband's misgivings are well-founded...). I tried it last night and today I'm still feeling "mildly euphoric" (says my scientist alter ego, while I think the world is just ******* awesome). I'm sorry you had such a miserable existential experience. Seriously, read mine...it describes two separate trips the second of which was slightly botched and I was able to gain some incite into where the feelings and visions were physically originating...I am only suggesting it because I think it might help. Good luck.

I'd like to save this one to my library but I don't want to be reminded of bloody elixor every time I read it! :/<BR><BR>Damn right it's not to be taken lightly. I am still preparing. I need a lot more therapy first. <BR>You have done well to be able to document so much of your trip, there is so much more to it than can be expressed at all. I know from other hallucinogens that it's mostly impossible to put into words, or English ones at least. There is a whole different set of rules in that universe and it can't all be transposed in such a way so that people who haven't been there can understand.<br />
A friend of mine took all his clothes off and jumped off a balcony at a block of flats, luckily it was only about twenty feet, he only broke his ankle.

THERES A BOOK YOU SHOULD CHECK OUT BY AN ANTROPOLOGIST FROM I THINK NORWAY WHO STUDIED THE SHAMANIC DRUGS USED IN THE AMAZON BY VARIOUS TRIBES TO CUT A LONG STORY SHORT HE CAME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT THE PLANT CELLS WERE COMMUNICATING WITH OUR CELLS AT AN ATOMIC LEVEL...MOST HALUCINATIONS TAKE THE FORM OF A SNAKE LIKE THING THAT RESEMBLES THE DNA SPIRAL OF LIFE AND IMPARTS KNOLEDGE ON THE USES OF PLANTS TO THE SHAMEN