Trapped

I have desired this since before I knew what the difference even was, except they got to wear beautiful clothes, look pretty and have a lot more fun, or so it seemed. As I grew, I used to watch the girls envying them and felt so cheated. I liked to do the things that they did, liked the clothes and jewellery they liked, I did a lot of things, but felt so betrayed by my body. Why was I born like this when my likes, loves dreams and fantasies revolved around being female.The thought of bearing and raising a child would have been a reality. I have a strong maternal instinct which can never be fulfilled. I felt trapped to be something I wasn't.
I do so wish I had been born with a female body - then my life would have been complete


Becnme Becnme
56-60, F
10 Responses Jul 25, 2010

I totally agree with you because I have also felt this way since I was little. And I have that maternal instict as well and it really makes it very difficult because I really feel that I have been cheated in life by being born a boy and not a girl.

Until I just came across and read your story and the comments to it I had never thought of my situation in that way. Now that you have me thinking real deeply about it, it's a cause for some real deep thinking. Not sure if it's my age, 72, or other things but never ever have felt trapped as I now allow Berta to surface in some way or another whenever possible. While it's nowhere near as frequent now that I'm retired and home all the time with my knowing but non-accepting wife I still enjoy my strong feminine needs by wearing satin panties full time and sleeping in long satin nightgowns every night. I have feminine reflective moments when I truly wish my Mom had received the daughter she so long had planned for me to be. That may well explain my strong and almost overbearing feminine desires and drive. I'd rather go shopping for her clothes and lingerie with my wife than do chores or other "male" things around our home. I do my own lingerie and satin nightgown shopping as she will have no part of it but loves the items I pick out for her to buy and wear!

I think it has more to do with my overwhelming desire to be a woman. I was born intersex and was "fixed" to be male. At the time it was believed that nurture not nature defined us as male or female. All the nurturing and drugs have failed to make me think I am otherwise. The only thing it has done is given me a male body which I hate.The drugs destroyed the female body I would have otherwise received naturally.

Oh wow, I did not realize that as I've never heard of such a thing. I hope that nothing I posted offended and if it did please accept my apology as it wasn't intended.

No offence taken. It was a practice that has ceased now. Surgical intervention is only done if it is life threatening nowadays and hormones aren't given to a child under 16 without a valid reason decided by a court.

Thanks Andi and Jenny. I want to live the rest of my life as I know I am though I have missed out on so much.

I to wish I was born a female. I loved all the same things. It would be easier than changing now. I dont know if I can now. I will find out soon. I am getting help and finding out things about myself.<br />
trapped, a good title. You hit it.

As I read your story it was as if I was reading my own. There is nothing about being female that I would not like, and there really is nothing about being male that I do like,

I totally agree with you Andi. Everything about being female I like and I totally hate everything about being male.

Thank you all for your comments. <br />
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@Kris - It is tough, but you're so right. This birth defect had had made us tougher and I am proud to be the woman I am.<br />
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@Cigy - I have children that often hated having two mothers, but often loved it too. It gave me an outlet for that maternal instinct, though I do feel unfulfilled in not being able to bear children of my own.<br />
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@Vivien - Society is slowly coming around with many enlightened people out there, although we will always be marginalised by those whose narrow mindedness makes them unable to accept us!<br />
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@Scintillates - Thank you for your blessing. It is enlightened people like you who are the way forward for all of us who are a little different.<br />
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@Josie, my friend. I know you understand well..

My friend, you said it well. Me too!!!

It can be so hard, when the body didn't meet the soul. Every day we need to acting.. try to fit in the society, try to fit in the black-white world, but the truth is the world is colorful... I never understood why afraid the society from the different things. The humanity destroyed a lot of culture, because it was just different... Some people easy tag like us as gay, just because we are different, and the truth is most of us not gay. We are just womans in a mans body... just a little toy's of the evolution...

Nice comment, Kris! Yes, yes: we have to be proud... I'm sure, Becnme, that your maternal instinct has helped other people more than once...

This is a tough birth defect. It's made you stronger though.<br />
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What more could the world do to us? <br />
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Even death doesn't scare most of us.<br />
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We are the strongest of women, not because they said we were men but, because we have overcome society.<br />
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Be proud of who you are. You are a woman.

You Know Kris I totally await death so i can be free of the male body that I was placed in. I totally hate being in this male body when my soul tells me that I should have been born a female.