Being Born A Girl Would Have Been So Wonderful

It was not until I was about three that I realized how much I wanted to be a girl.  My parents dressed me in plain shorts and a plain shirt with a buzz haircut that left nothing to comb.  My female cousin was just a little older than I, but wore cute Shirley Temple dresses with long blond curls.  I was sooo jealous.  In my preteen years I would go to bed wishing that my breasts would grow.  I imagined at least a C cup.  I saw myself in a long empire waist dress, low cut to expose the top of my breasts.   Alas, it never happened.  When I turned thirteen and realized my body was changing in the opposite way I wanted, I began fervent prayers each night on going to bed that I might awaken with a female body.  That didn't happen ether.  When I saw that I couldn't change my fate, I began to dress in my mother's clothes in secret in my room.  I thought at least I could share this aspect of life with girls.  Sure enough my parents caught me.  I told my father straight out that I wanted to be a girl.  His response was, "God made you a boy.  Wanting to be a girl is an affront to God's will".  I had to think about that for a while, but I gave being a boy a lot of effort.  I went out for three high school sports per year and spent my college career in boy's activities.  When I met my future wife in my senior year of college, I told her before our marriage of my need to wear women's clothes in order to be like a woman as much as possible.  She struggled with this in the first years of our marriage but then grew more accepting of my needs.  I thought a lot about gender reassignment surgery, but Renee Richards, the male to female tennis player's words stuck with me.  Surgeons can do marvelous things, but they aren't mirace workers.  The male body they work on cannot be too masculine or the individual will never truly pass as female.  Alas, my body even softened with estrogen is too masculine to allow me to pass.  Despite my appearence, most people around me realize I'm a pretty effeminate guy.  In some ways this androgynous personality has made me very effective in my job and personal life.  I would still give it up to have been born a girl in the first place.

grauaugen grauaugen
61-65, T
4 Responses Apr 8, 2010

I'm 14. I look at all these girls and I'm so jealous of them :( I want to change so bad. I want to die, I'm sick of living in pain like this.

Wedgies, pain is easier to deal with when shared. It is difficult to find other males who we can talk to about our desire to be girls and hard to imagine that the girls we worship painfully struggle with their own developing womanhood. Girl after girl at 14 is struggling with not being as attractive or popular as she would like. Boys see this as frivolous and often worsen the pain with teasing. Deal with your pain by finding a girl who is hurting and isolated and helping her.

Its hard when your always the smallest guy and you just hate being that so I just want to switch

I totally agree I would do the same.

In my reading I find many of us with with this desire to be girls, but bodies that cannot pass. I have wondered why evolution would create this phenomena in humanity. I think evolution (or God) created us with the purpose of protecting the women and girls we so admire and want to be like. We would never even dream of abusing women or girls, and assisting them to achieve their goals is important to us. It is truly unfortunate that women are threatened by their best supporters.

I found your story to be very interesting. I would really like to have SRS, but my body is just too big and masculine. I am afraid that I would come across as a man in a dress. Also I was never caught as a cross-dressing teenager. Sometimes I wish I had. Then I would have been forced to deal with my gender at an earlier age. That might have made a big difference for me. Thanks for your story and good luck to you.