My Life Is Full Of Pain Right Now

I am a 15 year old girl in a private high school. I know life will get better. But right now it sucks. I'll keep it simple. In fourth grade I was bullied. Like kicked around and pushed like i was nothing. Dirt even. Now i have changed schools since then. I have a few teachers i am really close to and a few friends. My friends shut me out though. Like im there but not really. My best friend told me this guy i like really likes me but turns out when i asked him out he doesn't, he likes my BFF. My other friend I want to have sleepover, but she wont go anywhere without her BFF, which is someone who used to torment me and make my life living hell. She seems to not remember what happened and wants a "fresh start" but i am not ready to be hurt again. Also On top of this i have feelings for one of my teachers that is 50 and I don't know if this is normal. (Not in a love way, more of a fatherly figure way). All the time i think about ways to get attention, like possible senarios of me getting hurt and people feeling sorry for me, but i would never hurt myself. I want to fake an ankle sprain for pity and another thing is that i watch ****. I don't know if its normal but i do and some of my friends think its normal. My parents don't like each other right now and are getting a divorce and sometime in the next few years we will also move.

I feel a lot of pain and i don't know how to feel better. (Im not going to hurt myself BTW).....

Just needed to vent.
wma21 wma21
18-21, F
3 Responses Sep 7, 2012

I used to be teased in my teenage years as well. You have to just ignore it. Keep your head up high and stick up for yourself! Show them you are strong and nothing can bother you or bring you down. You seem like a beautiful person inside who's simply seeking attention. I am sorry about your parents. I've also gone through the same situation, but when I was 21. It seems a lot harder to deal with your parent's break up when your older than younger. Just be happy they are no longer making each other misreable and don't let it upset you. Try to occupy yourself with fun hobbies and appreciate the good friends you have. I know bullying is no fun, but this will all go away throughout time. I am now 27, married and a mother of a beautiful 15 month old who i love unconditionally and I'm only giving you this advice because I'm looking at your situation from a mother's perspective and this is what I would tell my daughter.

I hope it all gets better! Good luck!

Sweetheart im 23 years old and i dont even remember anything that happened in highschool, nor does it affect anything i do today. Keep your head up and remember that nothing anyone says or does to u will matter in four years. Do well in school and do what makes you happy. Be you and be pround to be you. Live your life how you think is right and dont waste your time trying to impress anyone else. Dont worry about what people have to say about u. No matter where u go or what u do people will talk and you have to learn to brush it off and ignore it.

I was teased mercilessly too. I can only tell you that it does get better eventually. Your emotional scars from teasing will never go away but they will move towards the back of your mind. One day you will get everything you need in life. This age is just pure hell. High schoolers are mean, selfish, and cruel. Just remember that you'll be gone and away from them sooner than you realize. High school FLIES by! Sounds to me like you are kind of lost considering you are thinking about faking an injury for attention. You don't want that kind of attention. If things don't get better or you still feel this way after a while, talk to your school counselor. They may not be able to do much but just getting it out may help. Wishing you inner peace and lots of love! -Dizzy Girl-