Did It To Myself

Around age eleven, I somehow got it in my head that talking about my problems is a weakness. Showing any hurt at all just feels pathetic.
I could be on the verge of tears, or be screaming inside, but the thought of talking about it is worse. I can't stand the thought that I'll make someone else feel bad, or that they'll pity me.
So I make myself 'suck it up'. I bite the inside of my lip, or clench my fists, or just close my eyes for a moment and stamp it down. I force it away, "bottle it up", and try to forget.
It's not easy. I don't feel like it's healthy. I let it out too infrequently, and never enough.
It's how I get on. I have no other way.
deleted deleted
26-30
3 Responses Dec 3, 2012

i'm here to listen to all your pain u'll never be a burden to me,never.

Same here with me.
I bottled everything up, not telling anyone anything until someone I now am best friends with, came along with her problems..
Find someone who knows what you're feeling, how you're feeling and see if you can trust that person with anything, and tell them that.
Don't let it get you go to therapy, because that hardly ever help.
Just find someone who you know you can talk to and not feel weakend by it.
It doesn't help.

I had my feelings so bottled up that one day I just rushed to the bathroom, and scream so loud that no sound came out, pulled my hair, started to cut myself, and because it didn't hurt i started scratching the wound... After i sat there under the water for about an hour, I didn't know how I lost control over my feelings... But I talked it out here, because at the time I wasn't talking to any of my friends. EP helps, there's a lot of people here who've been through the same or been through worse, they'll understand if you ask to talk.
I'm here if you want to talk. :)

Even when you thought that ET had died, in the movie!?!?!?
You are older and wiser now, try to 'let it out' sometimes......! It will be healthier!