Or Did Do

I've been dwelling alot on mistakes I've made in my life.

Yesterday, I did this:

I wrote a note to God and set it on my bedside table. I asked Him to PLEASE send me back to 1993, when I graduated from community college. THAT DAY. It was a good day. A good day to start over. I also wrote I would not make the same mistakes. I would want to have the knowledge of my future(now). But be in the body And situation of then. I think I'd be ecstatic. I would accept my exes computer to type my papers on, but I would NOT go on AOL where I met my bf that I left home with, and then my mom died shortly after. I would avoid that whole path. I would stay in LA. And let the future write itself from there. Of course, it didn't happen. I woke up from my nap, and I'm still here. Before you think I'm really weird, I'm sure there are people out there that have been so miserable with their present life, they wished to go back to a time when they were happier. They might just have not wrote the note and set it on the table :)

deleted deleted
26-30
3 Responses Mar 8, 2010

I understand feeling trapped. I, at least, can now see out past the prison gates. I take much more time for myself now and when Spring gets here I'll be out hiking like never before. I certainly enjoy hiking/walking, but the added bonus is that I'll also be away from all the tension and can be more at peace with myself. <br />
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I don't know your situation,but I believe there is always hope and if you can't do anything about it now, perhaps you can plan and work on it for the future. Never give up. <br />
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Best Wishes! Mel

Hi Kitty, <br />
<br />
I hope you don't mind a potentially long post! <br />
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I can understand how the future can look empty, bleak or downright unbearable, but it doesn't have to be that way and that surely is the optimism I choose to embrace as part of me. <br />
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The last several years my life has been turned upside down. I'm looking at probably starting my life over in 4 1/2 years when I am almost 57 years old. Even now it is not uncommon to see younger people in the obituaries. 57 seems like the end of a life and yes people certainly do live longer. In my mind and heart, I will always never be older than 30 even though this body is older. I live in a loveless marriage. I am here until my children all graduate high school. <br />
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If you took all my enemies or people who have hurt me in my life and combined their actions, you would see that it doesn't compare to what my wife has done to me and yes there was a time when I allowed myself to be depressed about it and feeling trapped. Then I decided I wasn't going to live like that any longer. I can choose what I will feel and do and ever since then I fight with every fiber in my being to be positive and optimistic and its genuine. She knows the buttons to push, but I'll pick myself up as soon as I can. <br />
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I know I can't live forever. But as long as I live, 57 is not going to be the end of my life, but a brand new beginning! I am eating healthy and exercising. I'm setting goals for myself and I created my bucket list. I'm working and saving for those things that I want to do. <br />
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As for love, that's the great unknown question. I know by remaining here under the same roof my options are almost non existent, but I am committed to being here and taking care of my children till they graduate high school. That's one sacrifice I am willing to make for them. Can there be someone out there for me? Sure. Will there be? Who knows? All that I know is that if she is out there the door is open and I will hope for the best. <br />
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In 2014, I also plan to begin travelling and living around the world. The next 4 years could somehow change that, but I don't see how at this point. <br />
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So my future could have been very depressing and I could have just given up on everything, but instead I am excited about it and look forward to it with all the gusto that life can give. If there is no one special to ever share it with, then there will be plenty of people along the way that I can share parts of it with and I hope I can touch their lives and leave a lasting impression and impart some of my zeal for life on to them. <br />
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Best Wishes! Mel

Not weird at all and I bet its fairly common. <br />
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One thing we don't realize sometimes is that we might not even be still alive today had we had another path to go down and/or we could have gone down a far worse path than the one we would like to change. I believe everything happens for a reason, good, bad, or indifferent. We can try to learn from our mistakes or problems and work to make the future better than ever. We can do that at any age or time. <br />
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I'm improving my life as best I can and in another 4 years or so, I'll probably be starting my life over again, but I am ready and excited about what awaits me. <br />
<br />
Best Wishes! Mel