I Have To Be There...right?

I dont know what to do much anymore. i cannot seem to make ANYONE happy! i am seriously failing...and now, i guess i have been being a terrible friend to some people i thought i was close to...but i dont know how to tell them that i am not really close to any human being. i do not have one person that i tell everything to...so there. i am sorry. i am sorry that i could not keep things in my family right and together. i am sorry that i cant make my brothers happy and feel secure. i am sorry that i dont cry on anyones shoulders any more or can be there for you when you cry. i am sorry. i am sorry that i am a crappy daughter and friend and is making life so damn HARD. i dont want to get close to anyone because i know i will hurt them somehow no matter what, so yes, i am lying to the people in my life so they think of me as something better then what i am.

it used to hurt me...but now i am numb.