I Get All Confused & Can't Understand
How people can come to me for advice, comfort, or to talk. I have nothing of real value to offer. Everything that I've done or tried to do in my life by following my own advice.............backfires. I am always needy, worrying about myself. I'm greedy, sloppy, not that smart really. I mean allow my past to dictate my present & control my future. Sure, I accept myself for the most part, I'll even go as far as to say most days I love myself. But..............
That's because I know that if I don't, no one else will. I know everything about myself, & trust me loving myself is NOT easy. I have done so much to hurt myself..................Oh not physically, that would be TOO easy. No my scars are invisible. My sh!t is all on the inside. If everybody knew me they would run. In fact, the few people who have known me, all of me...........They ran. (Kim & Shane come to the front of my mind). I think some people can just pick things up about me too. There was one woman who seemed to know exactly what kind of human being I was..... She told me to jump in front of a streetcar & rid the world of one more waste of skin. I think she knew what I was............. I think that's why she said it.
I know that there are going to be friends who read this & feel bad. That's not why I'm writing this. I've come a long way, really I have. The fact that most days I see a woman deserving of love, regardless of how she's lived her life, that's an amazing accomplishment for me. I just have bad days & I guess this is one...... I felt the need to get it out, so I wrote this to do just that. I am sorry if it hurts you................ I wasn't going to write it, but I don't want to add anymore baggage to myself. I'm having a hard enough time carrying around all I've got right now. So forgive me, please?