I've Always Felt Like T...

I've always felt like this, for as long as I can remember.  I've felt like I stick out, that people think of me differently, like people look at me when I walk into a room.  Like my behavior is so much different than the "normal" people of society.  I sometimes feel above the society I live in as well.   With all of its superficiality.  I'm glad to not be a part of the people that stand around and talk about their favorite people from Dancing With the Stars or who should be kicked off of American Idol.

ReformedAutomaton ReformedAutomaton
41-45, M
9 Responses Jul 9, 2007

Very well said Alobar...I know what you mean by "faking it", I feel the same way. I read a good book called The Denial of Death by Ernest Becker. It had a lot of insight into the things you speak of, how all people really are just faking it and those that are best at faking it are the most "socially successful" people. Those that think too much and question, live in reality too much, are overwhelmed by the massiveness of it. Those who keep their world small and limited, the "normal" people, may be more superficial but they tend to be more sane also. The book talks about insanity as well and how those people who suffer from it are those who never learned to shut out the world, the unrepressed people. The book argues that repression is a healthy thing in some ways, living in a centered world, not trying to expand too much, not being open to all possibilities. It also talks about how artists/musicians tend to have more issues with mental health, b/c they must attempt to be open to the world. But that their artwork gives them an outlet. He says that the difference between the insane and the artist is that the insane person has no outlet for their thoughts and imagination...it just runs wild with no way to escape from the mind. Damn I'm glad I'm a musician!!

Being so self-aware is a blessing and a curse. We know we're here, but have no clue as to why. A lot of people find "meaning" by focusing on certain aspects of their lives, be it career, kids, relationships, home theaters, boats and jet skis, but all of that is just entertainment and hardly scratches the surface, not to mention it is self centered. That's where most "normal" people tend to stay, because it does not require too much thought. I'm not knocking that either. I often wish I could do that. <br />
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I think maybe our reason for being has more to do with a collective consciousness, and collective experience. But the purpose is beyond me. Thinking about these things keeps me up all night and keeps me locked in my apartment all day. When I do venture out into society every day, I maintain pretty well, but I'm faking it. I look around and it's just a mystery to me. The routines people lock themselves into for the rest of their lives. I have so many interests that make that kind of life impossible for me. I'm afraid to stop learning and stop growing and, maybe my perception is skewed, but it seems to me that a "normal" life is the product of a sedentary mind.

You are different, and that is what I LOVE about you!

Yeah it bugs the hell out of me too...glad to know I'm not alone Constant!!

sure do have that straight, siddler! (the story and especially your comment) i always thought i was different because people saw a boogie on my face or a p3nis growing out of my forehead or something. then as life went on and i matured i realized it's because i have much more meaningful things on my mind. somehow that's not socially acceptable?!?!? makes no freakin' sense to me.

Thanks Katija, very well said. I do understand why other people keep things light and superficial and they are more sane for it. But I think those attitudes also create many problems. Not caring, not being willing to discuss interpersonal issues because they are not fun or difficult to talk about. Many children suffer b/c their parents won't approach difficult issues dealing with life, love, and sex. It is a massive, collective form of denial which is dangerous in my belief. A denial that our world is anything more than a glossy, picturesque, entirely explainable series of events. Those who desire to think about the world they live in are outcast in many ways, most people want to have fun all the time and if you speak too seriously you are shamed or ignored. I'm speaking in generalities but I think it's the truth. Our culture is on the verge of a dangerous precipice with it's denial of reality, living in fantasy of video games, TV, and pop-culture news media.

It sounds to me as if you are a deep thinker... you prefer your world to be tangible. It does seem the world is preoccupied with the superficial; appearing to actually enjoy being spoon-fed their thoughts and feelings through entertainment and prejudicial media. It sounds to me as though you're counter to that; the type who spends a lot of time in self-reflection and world observation. I also find it frustrating when people ask: “what do you think of...” and then mention a television show as if it were real life. I usually just end by telling them that I really don't watch television (primarily because it would be incredibly rude to say "I just don't care"). For some, the world has gotten to be a scary place and atrocities seem to be just around the corner. It was easy to ignore when it was "over there". Now, violence, prejudice, hate, irrational vengeance can be anywhere. It is therefore not too surprising that people who can afford too, like to keep life light and superficial. For those who live a little closer to the bone, superficiality isn’t an option.

No, it's not that I don't like people but as I've seen people interacting for my whole life, and I see that my interaction is not the same as the bulk of the population, I understand that I am different. I cannot help but feel that way, it is my experience.

Just because you don't partake in frivolous conversation or believe in mainstream ideologies shouldn’t make you feel “different” from others, lest you become a misanthrope which would be a great tragedy.