I Have Been Through Loads Of **** In My Life

from the time i was born, i had so much happened. if i told u everything u would think i was a liar. i have so much **** in my head, racing thoughts, stuff locked so deep. i feel like i am in prison with my thoughts. stuff that happened would have killed some people: i have been abused sexually, , emotionally and physically.

i just want to scream sometimes, well lot of the time, please someone help me please before all this **** kill me. my pain so hard to deal with or maybe i mean i don't deal with it ... i just surprise myself if i get through one more day, if i do, I am alive, but i hurting so badly 24/7 i dont know what to do
roadofdarkness roadofdarkness
5 Responses May 12, 2012

I can only say that I wish I could help you feel better. <br />
Here's a really strange idea. If you met someone just like you, how would you treat them? Would you say they are worthless, or think that this person is worth as much as anyone on earth? If they did something bad, would you treat them like crap or would you understand and give them space after all they have been through?<br />
Then... why not be that friend. Treat yourself kindly. You deserve it.

thank u sir

I myself could write a book about my life too so I do know how it feels if you would like to talk I am your friend

You can talk w me any time. Believe you, me. I've hurt and in hurting tried to die. Paying for my mistakes, the things I did to hold my family together, the begging to stop at THIS line. Then it's this other line, seriously, this time. No? Okay. THIS LINE!<br />
And so gone tripping further up and down and lost.<br />
I'm so damaged my therapist is in this with me. She understands me and how my thoughts run. The way I think, react, choose are all different. I'm different.<br />
And I feel a foreigner, a bloody retard. I'm so frucked up I need a translator.<br />
I'm sure you and eye might share that language so if you need to...hit me up. I break often but since my attempt to pay with my life, I am no longer suicidal. The turmoil and pain is amazing, like an F-5 tornado though.<br />
Just talk through it. Alone in my apartment, I rant and weep out loud. I talk to God, I talk to my dead.<br />
Yes, I talk to myself. I haven't heard any voice replying to me though and my Lucky Charms hasn't formed the face of saint or demon with the marshmallows to give me advice so I am still sane.<br />
I also use various hot sauces as an intervention of my panic attacks. Your chest will tightened w the attack but tripping or not, that hot sauce will clear your sinuses and open your lungs. I hate persc<x>ription pills so Louisianna hot sauce is a good natural alternative that won't cotton the head nor cause DTs because it's addictive and ole Dr. Perscribe wants to 'tweek' your meds.

honey it all relative if it hurts, it doesn't matter how big or small sweetie u can share with me if u like pm me if like to no about me this is my story xxx <a href="http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Am-A-Victim-Of-Child-Abuse/2223455" target="ep_blank">EP Link</a>

http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Am-A-Child-Sexual-Abuse-Survivor/1620349<br />
Be careful reading that...it's pretty strong...<br />
<br />
You've probably been through worse than me, honestly though, my abuse was pretty pedestrian...it still messed me the F up.