Goodbye, My Mother, My Ghost.

How can you say goodbye to a ghost? A mere whisper of a woman who is my mother. A woman who has been lost for years now. A woman who spends nearly all time searching for her home while in here home. A woman who used to be as strong as a man physically. A woman who raised seven children the best that she could. And who now lays dying in a hospital slowly. She has comfort measures now. And vultures circle her eager for her last breath so that the will can be read and her money divided.
How do I tell her how much I love her? How I would not be as strong as I am without her lessons. How her sacrifices taught me how much a mother loves her children. How her outer shell of toughness hid an interior of both some strength and of a constant fear of being unloved and unworthy. How she raised her eldest daughter alone as a single mother in a time where this was frowned upon. How much I will miss her soon. How glad I am that she will finally be at peace and will find her safe home. How happy my dad will be that she is finally at peace too cause he has been worried about her and all of this while looking down upon her.
I have told her gently over the years since dad has been gone how much she means to me. Even when she was so confused, she realized I could be trusted. Even through the fog, she counted on me. Harsh words that rained on me at times did not hurt me. Cause I still felt her love in the fog. Even when she raised her fists to me that one time, she still knew me. I promised my dad that I would take care of her til she died. And I kept my rare promise to him. And for that I am glad. They both did the best they could and seeing the backgrounds they endured, they were both resilient. I lack sufficient words....
I love you dad. I love you mom. Kissesssssssssssssss....And tears. Cynthia.
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3 Responses Feb 15, 2013

Both of your parents are proud of you Cynthia,and always will be.Love to you,xxxxxxxx

Your mom is certainly lucky to have a child like you by her side at this time. I sat by my dad's bedside in June 2011 when he said goodbye to this world, and last September, I was home for a few hours of overdue sleep when I get the phone call at 11 that evening that mom was no longer with us either as another heart attack, this time fatal, took her already weakened body.

As we grow older we all know moments like these are due to come, but when they are here, it still like a fog, hopefully to be lifted and that things will be "normal" again. Like Dad calling to ask for a jump on the car again because he forgot the headlights on. Or by just a weird "coincidence" stopping by Mom's at noon because you knew she had some leftover bean soup made a few days earlier and nothing better than a bowl of bean soup and a grilled cheese that she insisted a person stay for to warm a body up on a cold winter's day.

The memories though will be forever with us ... As keepers of those memories it is our duty then to see those memories stay alive so that person stays with us forever.

May your Mum rest in peace and find happiness in heaven, where she will always look down on you and fill your heart with peace and love x