Goodbye, My Mother, My Ghost.How can you say goodbye to a ghost? A mere whisper of a woman who is my mother. A woman who has been lost for years now. A woman who spends nearly all time searching for her home while in here home. A woman who used to be as strong as a man physically. A woman who raised seven children the best that she could. And who now lays dying in a hospital slowly. She has comfort measures now. And vultures circle her eager for her last breath so that the will can be read and her money divided.
How do I tell her how much I love her? How I would not be as strong as I am without her lessons. How her sacrifices taught me how much a mother loves her children. How her outer shell of toughness hid an interior of both some strength and of a constant fear of being unloved and unworthy. How she raised her eldest daughter alone as a single mother in a time where this was frowned upon. How much I will miss her soon. How glad I am that she will finally be at peace and will find her safe home. How happy my dad will be that she is finally at peace too cause he has been worried about her and all of this while looking down upon her.
I have told her gently over the years since dad has been gone how much she means to me. Even when she was so confused, she realized I could be trusted. Even through the fog, she counted on me. Harsh words that rained on me at times did not hurt me. Cause I still felt her love in the fog. Even when she raised her fists to me that one time, she still knew me. I promised my dad that I would take care of her til she died. And I kept my rare promise to him. And for that I am glad. They both did the best they could and seeing the backgrounds they endured, they were both resilient. I lack sufficient words....
I love you dad. I love you mom. Kissesssssssssssssss....And tears. Cynthia.