Sealed Fate?

So I'm 19 and I turn 20 in two weeks (I'm somewhat excited since I'll be back with all my friends from college) yet I feel like there is a ball of lonely energy inside me. I'm not sure when it started necessarily, but it seems that with time it grows bigger and bigger. I don't ever bring it up because I feel like it's such as buzz kill of a conversation topic. I mean who wants to hear someone be all "I'm so lonely blah, blah blah..."?
I also have a hard time dealing with it because my roommate seems to always be in a relationship and is always around her significant other. I feel like it's petty to feel this way since she isn't doing it on purpose but I often feel like I should leave the dorm make myself as invisible as possible.
I also have a hard time hanging out with a friend of mine from my hometown because we always hang out at her and her boyfriend's apartment. Again, I feel like I should suck it up and get over it, but I can't seem to find a way of just having fun with them without feeling awkward.
I've heard reasons on why it is I don't have a relationship; those reasons being I don't put myself out there enough, it's in how I put myself out there, and I used to hear it's in how I dress. Now over the years I've gotten more girly in that I love wearing cute and flattering clothing, I wear makeup and I've even been told "I would have never known you had a confidence issue, if you would have never said anything," yet nothing seems to work. Is there still something I could be doing? I consider myself to be moderately attractive, have a great sense of humor, and am intelligent. Aren't these the kind of qualities people like in others? 
I also feel like a hypocrite, I tell people that you shouldn't be with someone in order to feel secure about yourself that, that should come naturally. Even with that knowledge, I can't help but to be wanted, to know that at the end of the day I have that level of intimacy with another human being.
I guess I should stop rambling and be blessed with the wonderful friends, family, and opportunities that life has given me. 

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1 Response Aug 6, 2010

I can definitely relate.<br />
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It's hard to be around the rest of the world, when they all have someone to hang onto. Imagine being at friendly or formal functions, at a round table, at a sports bar -- all with your best friends and their boyfriends/girlfriends... And you. That's me. A lot. Almost always. And I do the same thing you do -- I keep to myself about this; I don't want anyone to think I'm crazy, or to judge me for the way I feel. Everyone else seems so much happier, so why bother telling them how you feel?<br />
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I say you just say it out loud. Just say it one day. To a close friend. Bring it up. It's not something I've been able to do, but I hope that maybe you might be able to do. Hopefully it'll help. Because I'm pretty sure that your friends wouldn't make you an unintentional third wheel if they knew.<br />
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As for the relationship thing: you're young and free and things can happen in the bl<x>ink of an eye. Now, my words may not mean much since I'm in almost the exact same boat, but just live your life. You don't need someone to make you feel secure, but it always helps to have someone to lean on, to hold onto, to be yourself around.<br />
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Best of luck.