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Alone :(

Recently, i have felt extremely alone. I think i may have depression. To my friends, im the loud, crazy, fun, party girl who is always laughing. But once i get home and retreat to my room, I want to die.  I know part of it is because I have never had a boyfriend.  I was close to getting one, but it just never happened.  Me and my friends joke around with it but it upsets me so much.  I've told my best friend how I feel and she says she understands and tries to help comfort me and ensure that im not the only one but it doesnt work.  I tell her about my parents, how they always fight.  My mom is depressed and im pretty sure my dad has some kind of form of bipolar because hes ALWAYS screaming for the littlest things.  I try to ignore it, but it makes me feel so scared.  Ive tried cutting myself, but it didnt really do anything for me.  It scares me that I can feel this low and cry so easily now. I feel so bad too, like the day my best friend got a boyfriend, I acted happy infront of her but when i got home I cried histarically. Im not jealous, but it reminds me that i dont have one.  I could never tell her how i felt cause she would just feel bad too and think I was jealous.  Oh, and did i mention that my other best friend got a boyfriend the same week?  ultimate low. Im just so scared. I dont want to go to highschool. I rather sit in my room all day like I do now.

Does anyone have advice or feel the same???

 

IWalkThisLonelyRoad IWalkThisLonelyRoad 18-21, F 7 Responses Aug 14, 2011

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even i cut! doesn't really help just gets my frustration out..! but i am nt saying that its a good thing...! cuz if i say something to my parents all i hear is "i dont like ur tone" or "dont use that tone wid me" i hate it sosososo much!

omg i feel the same way, most people say their parents fight at each other, but mine yell at me for the littlest things, or at least my pop does, now i just try to ignore him and walk away, he doesnt let me argue with him anyway aha.<br />
and i tried cutting once but i didnt even break skin, just didnt work for me lol, and EmiliaR124's advice on writing sounds really good, ill take it too :)<br />
and also, dont worry too much about boyfriends now, you dont have to have one to be happy, and ur only young, so they will come when the times right. and think about it, most people who are going out at this age dont last very long, its not likely that they will get married and you won't be alone forever.

Thanks! and i cut now, not deep, but i always break skin. It doeesnt really help, but i feel like i need to do it now. Im not addicted, but it just seems right.

Yeah, I want to believe she knows how I feel, but I don't think she does.

i feel the same way...except not even my friends no hw i feel...

Hey hey, just readed this story of you....i got some advise for you that helped me when i was younger and had a lot of trouble...i went doing martial arts. Now you might not have the cash or possibillities to go on a sportschool, but find something that you can use as a box or kick bag.....maybe one of your friends got one since its quite common (at least where i live). I do agree that cutting yourself is a big no no! there are far better ways to cope...like whats been said, writing. For your fears and agression and just to get tired a good punching bag helps....or a thick pillow or a rolled up matras,,,<br />
Martial arts did help me with my self asteem, my health, gave me self respect, trew a lot of frustrations out myself that way. Even if its not your thing, give it a try....just project all your fears and frustration on that bag/pillow/matras....or whatever you use. Just dont hurt yourself or anyone else! (and dont break anything in the meanwhile). Also, if that isnt your thiing...dancing supposed to be very good, i knew some people that went dancing and they say they just loose themself in the music...<br />
Your parrents shouldnt put you in the situation that you are in....im sorry to hear about that. I come from a family myself that had phisical and mental abuse, and its not a cakewalk for sure! I guess thats part why i chose for martial arts huh? <br />
Anyway, im in an oppinion that loneliness is far underestimated, and not a laughing matter really. Maybe your friends know a nice guy to set you up with? Just dont go head over heels in a relationship oké? Hope your feeling better soon!

Thankss, and i have been acually dancing since i was four, and i used to do karate but got bored of it, but yeahh dancing helps me forget whats going on, thankss!

Well, I don't know what to tell you really besides I hope that you feel better. And eventually you'll meet a nice guy, sometimes it's not good to rush into relationships, especially since you're apparently just starting high school, so If I were you I'd wait to find the right guy especially when you're a little older and more mature, plus if you do have depression I think it's best to sort that out than to start hoping for a relationship unless that person is mature enough to help you through it. <br />
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Now between your parents, if they've got you involved with the fighting I'd just tell them to stop it and make them snap out of it because they really shouldn't be doing that in front of you. But it is possible they both have those disorders, and it's likely that you're stressed at the moment. <br />
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Instead of cutting, which is obviously wrong in a whole lot of ways, try writing. That's what I did anyway. It might not be good writing to you at first, but who cares as long as you can get your emotions out? If that doesn't work, find another harmless way to let all those built up emotions out. Listen to music that you can relate to, pain a picture, scribble all over paper if you have to. There's lots of ways.<br />
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And if none of this helps you in anyway I'm sorry, I'm just writing down my thoughts. I hope that everything works out for you and I know that it will because life goes on, you're still just in the beginning years. If you feel like you need to talk though, I'm here to listen.

Thanks for the advice! and i would love to tell my parents just to stop it, but im way to scared too and i know it wouldnt work. my mom told my dad she didnt like it when he screams and he stopped for a little, but it didnt last long.

You're welcome. And well, you don't really know until you try I suppose, you'd think they would realize that it's not healthy for you to be hearing that kind of stuff. Do you have another adult in your family that you can talk about this to? Perhaps they could tell your parents. And well maybe they need to get counseling or something if it's going to keep on like this.

yeah my mom sees a phycologist but my dad doesnt. and i dont really have anyother family member to talk to considering the one person who i would of just cheated and divorced my uncle,

I feel the same way.<br /><br />
I found that it sorrda helps if hav things to do to get my mind off of things that up set me, and don't think about how sad I am.

Thanks, its good to know im not the only one out there who feels this way.