Is No Male Friendship Punishment To Myself God

I have battled with depression all my life and have had some great moments of happiness too but I have always felt lonely inside because I never took chances on getting myself out there and talking to others. One of the reasons why I grew up with depression was dealing with a brutal sexual abuse when i was only seven and sometimes I am still dealing with it.
Two years ago I lost my job and lost a friend that I thought that I had.
He chose to speak up about my personality traits while I was applying for medical leave at my job. I was just diagnose with my conversion disorder and they put me on medical leave but two days later they fired me for something so stupid as going to my locker to empty out my remaining items in there. I think it had something to do with my so called friend.

For the first time I really thought that I had a buddy that I could talk to about any thing and everything. I was so wrong. He chose that time to bring up about my affairs that I had behind my wife's back and my boss wasnt too impressed about that.

I finally took a chance to open up to a guy for the first time in my life and he did the same thing as the man that raped me. He took away my security in trusting people. I am so afraid of opening up again. I dont want to get hurt again.

that was two years ago now I have made maybe three close friends that I can really talk to and it hurts to see them go out with other buddies and do things with them but never ask me to do anything. I just dont want to get hurt.

I grew up not having friends and lived a loner kind of life and been mistreated physically by one man and mentally abused about another guy at my work place. Now that I have what we both call each other are friends,but why am I the only one always iniating the conversations or phone calls. If i was to die how many weeks or months would they even know I am not at church.

Trying to be a Godly man by not worrying about who my friends hang out with. Its petty to be upset that they would rather spend time with their other friends than me. I did what I was suppose to do get out of my comfort zone and make chances and it helped I have guy friends now, but not like buddies they are like aquaintances.

Sometimes I think God wants me to be lonely but I know that isnt true.

Every night my wife is in the other room and I am in the living room stuck watching tv or on the internet. It really would make my day if one of my new friends ask me out occasionally to go bowling or just talk. I know this might sound all to petty. Men need to have male friendship just as women need women friends that they can turn to talk with and just feel as if they are important too.

brodwayj brodwayj
41-45
Dec 3, 2012