Shown No Love

I can relate to the father, My father never ever showed me any sort of love or understanding. I feel your pain somewhat. I too turned to drugs I have done pot and mandrex. When I was growing up living with my father I got beatings not spanking but beatingsI told him why not just shoot me andd get it over with, his reply to me was "THAT WOULD BE TO EASY" I will never forget that. Since then I called him Ray. Even before he pasted in 04 he never once said I love you to me. I do wish and hope that you have become a better person on the inside and to reach your goals in life. Take care

No one should have to go through that. I hope it makes you stronger in the long run.

Hugs

Oh sweetheart...I wish I could take it all away. I think the fact you can talk about it helps so much. There are no magic pills to take and get rid of it all....god I wish there had been.

I've been through some of the same things as you but I don't want this to be about me, except to say I'm still standing. I've seen psychiatrists and therapists for ten years and I've finally started to find a group of friends who want me to be well just for me.

I hope you can find that too. My name is Issy if you want to talk.

You have done so well to take stock of how none of this has really been your fault, all stemming from the abuse. Adult social workers/counsellors/therapists should have nipped things in the bud and helped you long ago. That they did not is terrible. You mention hate. That's not good, so don't hate back, just do your best to ignore and keep loving yourself.
I worked awhile in Southern CA, mainly in the SD area, which I loved. It is a State of contrasts, rather like life in general and places everywhere.
You seem to be at an age where you have had so much bad in your past but are young enough to have a lot of future left. Try not to let your own feelings about yourself be clouded by the past and build on how nice a person you are compared with those who should have been nice to you.
You may find that getting involved with your local church community might just be a starting point. It's not a club where you have to have qualifications to get in! Nobody knows all the answers, and intelligent folk keep questioning throughout their lives. Some people would challenge me almost suggesting church as a social network, thinking that first and foremost you have to have specific religious beliefs. There are so many churches with their different takes so one cannot say why one is more suitable than another but they all should be comprised of people who will want to help you on your journey. Start by believing in yourself. I think you do already. Talk to people. Find that you can trust them and share your concerns. Good luck.