By My Husband

I feel loved and cherished by a lot of people. but sometimes this man that i call my husband really makes me feel like ****. he gets a kick out of dissing me, maybe its his own insecurity that he is feeding, but it hurts. he is always insulting and berating me and complaining, yet he doesn't let me go. if i am such a bad person, why be with me. why keep me just to complain about me. i dont get him and i dont think i ever will.

goldie25 goldie25
31-35, F
22 Responses Mar 4, 2009

i know your right needsitdeep but i should have done that months ago then. i came back, didnt enforce **** and started the whole pattern again.

If he has admitted a problem in the past, and the condition of your returning was him getting help, then hold him to it! It will only continue as long as he feels no repercussions from his actions. Do you really want to be treated like this for the rest of your life? Set a deadline. One week. If he hasn't at least made an appointment for some sort of counseling or anger management, leave. Make it absolutely rock solid clear that you will not tolerate being treated that way.<br />
This man needs to "hit the wall" and wake up. And he won't as long as he continues to get away with what he's doing.

i don't think it's supposed to feel like that either. not by my definition of the word.

I know i love myself but i have to question how much if i put up with **** like this. i know true love is supposed to be selfless but i dont think its supposed to feel like this.

you're a strong woman goldie, i'll say that. i just couldn't deal with that situation. i haven't loved a man that much to even consider going through all of that.

OMG you hit the nail on the head. i know he enjoys me feeling like **** because when i feel bad or fake feeling bad thats when he smiles or guinuinely laughs. I cant stand being the butt of his jokes. but still i love him. i guess i am the crazy one.

He says those things just to have one over on you. They are designed to make you feel like s***! Because then, you are supposed to feel "honored" that he stays around, or speaks to you at all!<br />
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One day, you will have had it up to your eyebrows. One day, you will be sick of having to jump thru hoops like a trained seal.......but today, you are only frustrated.

you only have two choices. 1 stay and find the help that you need to deal with him or 2 leave. It is one or the other. If you plan to stay right now then get the help you need to deal with him. Get your doctor to give you a scrip for meds to help with depression and such. this will help you to keep a level head and think clear. It will also help keep you from letting his words work on you the way he wants them to.<br />
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Also find yourself a self help support group in your area where you can have a samll group of people near by that are there for you 24/7 that you can sit and talk with eye to eye. EP is great but you need a strong support system with people you can touch.<br />
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If you are ever to picking the second choice you will have the strenght to do it and not look back after taking care of yourself first.

thanks purelight. its crazy though, no matter how much love you feel, its still not the same if you dont get it from your spouse. i appreciate the love though.

Number One great thing is you are so loved here that his importance fades into the mist of time

he would never, ever do that. the last time i left i told him we couldnt be together unless he went to counseling. he said he would go because he knew i was serious, but he wanted me back home so we could go together. then when i stupidly came back home of course he didnt go. he said he knew what he had to do. but somethings you cant combat on your own. he has gotten better but his issues come shining out at times. thats what i am left with, this feeling of he cant help it, he does this to everyone he loves. but yet i hate to sacrifice my own happiness for his well being. yet i do it every day!

he needs to see a doctor and get the proper treatment for himself and for you.

yeah i definitely think he is bipolor and i think he is borderline too. his parents agree.

does he have a mental diagnosis? it sounds like there might be more going on than just being an *******.

thank you for that warrior mom. i have left but i always come back. i guess i just really want him to love me like i love him. its like what kills me the most is that its not all bad. at times he can be the most loving man on earth and make me feel so special. then at other times he can make me feel like ****. if it were one or the other it would be so easy. i am always left trying to weigh if what he does do is enough or if what he does wrong is just too much. its hard.

I understand blood boiling, so I hope you only read this when your ready to.<br />
What you described is exactly the same compared with my family of origin. It stomped my self-esteem, I had none and turned to drugs. When I became clean as an adult, working on my self worth was hard work.. Although I've grown, it's still able to raise its ugly head. At the age of 49 (2 1/2yrs ago) I had to move into my fathers place for 1 1/2 yrs for health reasons. I was never close to him and remembered why. Some people never change. The man never even thought about what would escape his mouth. I would not of been ever able to heal as long as my father"s stabs kept hitting me. I hope you can find enough self-love to separate from him.

thank you purelightbeing. i really wish you could or would. he deserves a really good *** beating. even though i think his skull is too thick to even recieve some type of lesson from that. i have even told him the whole quote about the definition of insanity being people doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. he likes the quote, says it all the time, but i think his sentiment is oh well call me crazy then. i think part of him likes being considered crazy or he has become so comfortable with being crazy that he now embraces it. <br />
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Jerrica i know what you mean too. i used to be like that. i would dump a guy for any little sign of him not being worthy. i wouldnt allow myself to hurt like this back in the days. i dont know how i went backwards in my relationship skills. i wouldnt have guessed in a million years i would be in a situation like this or writing a post like this. thats why now i can really believe it when people say, "never say never".

and what does this say about him as a husband? if you can't get better treatment from your spouse of all people. i'd better let this one go cause i feel my blood starting to boil!

Show me the way to him and I shall flail him until he swears to change his ways............ smiles

i know it's easy for me to say, not being in this situation, but i don't think i could go for that. in the past i've shown guys the door for saying something that didn't sit well with me. and to insult my appearance? hell no, you gotta go!

Well thank you grits that was actually very kind of you and very real. I know we have not been seeing eye to eye at all on this whole political thing but i do remember you always being kind and insightful. i miss that. <br />
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As for my husband, i know its his insecurity but i cant help but feel hurt when he says certain things because i know that there is truth in every joke. if he says i have a big nose or a big forehead and he laughs it off, it may not be meant to make me go kill myself but i know there is some truth in it, and it just send me back into a spiral of self hate and disappointment. as far as the looking him in his eye, he is so crazy that me getting defensive sends him on the defense. so me giving him a look would only provoke him to now want to fight with me. there is no real logic or dealing with him, he wants to make me feel bad and or make me fight him. he loves to spread his misery. the only option that really works is laughing off the things he says but that is painful to me becuase i feel like i am promoting the continuation of his abuse. its like chosing the lesser of evils though. sigh!

my husband gets in the moods at times as well. the first thing you need to do is know it has nothing to do with you. It is all about him. He just uses you to feel better about himself. Once you can get to the point to where when he does these things and you can look him in the eye and he see that he can no longer control you with his words you will have a strenght that he can not take away. He will not stop until he looks at himself and deals with his own issues.<br />
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you take care of you and know what he says is more a reflection of what he sees in himself than what he sees in you. It is just easier to lash out at you then to admit he is the one who needs to be fixed.