A Rant About Cybersex

I have read one too many stories today from specific people who say they specifically do not do cybersex.  They make fun of the less persuasive hunters and even post their epic fails on a group dedicated to making fun of people who lack cyber-game.  There was a time when I would have said, "Damned skippy, serves you right for trying."  But then I grew up.

I don't mean to criticize those people who stand their ground.  And I believe that "NO" means NO and that when you read on a user's profile that they don't like or do cybersex, you have to respect that.  Besides, what these cyber-hopefuls need to learn is not who to avoid, but instead when to let themselves be led.  You cyber-wannabes need to learn nuance and the art of subtlety.  I know, I know.  You come here for cybersex so you don't have to work on your personality.  Honestly, if you could score a real sexual partner, in the real world, would you really bother with cyber? 

Cyber is as cyber does, for certain.  It has it's own place in the halls of fetish.  I believe cyber is a replacement, and a damned good one.  It beats the hell out of a rubber doll because it provides feedback.  Sure, the other person is lying their *** off, just like you are.   No, she really does NOT like doing oral, or anal and she really really does NOT like swallowing.  No, he does NOT like doing oral either and no, he really doesn't want to do it for hours on end until you can't breathe.  The joy of cybering is the myth that everything you do drives them wild and that everything they do is exactly what you want them to. 

Here's another myth for you (and remember, myths are largely NOT true):  People who say that they don't cyber, don't cyber.  That's the biggest lie of all.  Those that say they have never cybered are usually the biggest liars of all.  I used to be a moderator in a land far, far away.  Behind the scenes, the truth is that 90% of all online users discuss sexual content with other people--most of that discussion is in the form of what they like and want in a sexual context.  When a percentage reads around 60 or above, we generally say "most" to indicate that more than half do whatever it is we're discussing.  We're discussing 90% here.  That isn't just "most," that's darn near "ALL."  I can't write "ALL" because there are those individuals who truly ARE just here to interact in a non-sexual manner. 

What our sad cyber-hopefuls are socially unable to perceive is the myth.  They know people cyber, they even know that most people cyber.  What they don't know, is how to go about it.  Same as the nightclub.  You have your players who know how to create and foster the myth, work dialog, and close escrow.   You have your wallflowers who hug the sidelines hoping that someone else has the hootspa to cross the barrier.  In between you have everyone else -- most of whom don't know how to woo their passion.  It's the same here. 

Very few men are gorgeous enough to walk up to their woman of interest and say, "Hi, my name is Enrique Suave, I want to have sex with you, now."  Most women would laugh in the face of anyone failing to meet their exacting standards.  Have you read through some of these lists that people make about their ideal mate?  Holy ****.  These people have better odds winning the lottery twice and getting struck by lighting in between than finding that exact match and having that kind of person want them back.  So, if you're not up to their impossible yard stick, what hope do you have? 

To start with, you can't lead with your intentions.  I'm not suggesting you lie, in fact, I'm telling you not to.  But, you're trying to enjoy the myth, and the myth doesn't open up with, "Hey gorgeous, add me, I'd love to chat [winking face]."  The myth says, "I'm an interesting person, average load of baggage, but you could fix me, and heal me and then I'd be eternally yours to do whatever kinky business your little heart can conjure."  The myth doesn't introduce themselves overtly on a whiteboard posting either.  That's the same as walking up to a gorgeous someone in a nightclub and saying, "What's your sign?"  Sure, the random one out of five billion might think it's gitchy and cute.  But the rest of the four hundred - ninety-nine million, nine hundred ninety-nine thousand, nine-hundred and ninety-nine people would think you're an idiot.  In the world of statistics, that'sssss...  bad.

Everyone cybers, at least to some extent.  People who think they have found their one and only continue to cyber, and with other people.  People in committed relationships, marriages, dating, and those who truly believe they have found their soul-mate -- they all cyber with other people, and I do mean other than their "soul mate."  That guy that you've been chatting up, that you can't stop thinking about...  he's still cybering despite all the cutsie gestures, gifts and whiteboard innuendo that you post.  Let's face it, despite all the stuff he posts on your profile, you're still keeping your options open.  That woman that gets you, finally, the way that no other woman ever has before,...  she also gets quite a few other men, and gives as good as she gets.  Be honest, you're still pm-ing your entire circle of babes, and cybering your open options too.

Before you think me a heartless bastard *******...  let me give you some background as to why I'm so fricken clairvoyant.  I knew in my soul he was mine.  I knew it, in my heart and my entire being that we were, hell, ARE supposed to be together.  But I wasn't the first one that said it.  I knew it first, but he said it first.  And it washed over me like a consciousness that I'd never before experienced.  The knowledge that everything in my life was for a purpose; all the pain I'd endured, all the experiences I could never explain.  It was all just life preparing me for him.  But he'd said it first.  And I believed him.  Hell.  He probably believed it too.  When everything fell apart, he wanted me to see that he'd changed.  He gave me his password to his account and I saw it all there.  I saw every pm.  I saw every gift, every gesture, I saw it all for what it really was.  Whatever he'd said to me was nothing more than the perpetuating of the myth.  The cruelest myth of all:  that anyone has a soul-mate who cares more about the mate than they do themselves.  I saw all the women telling him how wonderful it was that he found his soul-mate, and in the same damned pm, telling him all the naughty things they did to themselves thinking of him.  Who does that?  I saw the women who were in groups like "I hate people who swear" writing some of the most vulgar sexual commentary and they used every swear word there is.  Who does that?  I saw women with stories about their perfect happy marriage offering to meet him at his duty station for casual sex.  I read stories of women, supposedly happily married, telling him how happy he made them when they met for casual sex.  I saw the interactions he shared with random drug users, sociopaths and plain old ********...  all the while, cybering away with me that I was the only one who could fulfill his needs. 


Every ******* body.  You're shaking your head no at me, and getting really pissed, right?  Far too many people are shaking their heads, but in agreement, because they've been on MY end of the myth, maybe even more than once.

If you really want to cyber, and have a couple of cybersex buddies...  what you need to do is take down all the hinky sexual stuff you have on your profile.  If there's too much, ditch the profile and start all over.  Start writing stories about non-sexual stuff and start commenting on other stories.  Yeah, it's a lot of work, so is finding a real life sex partner.  This is much faster and no one gets knocked up.  Another plus, no one thinks this is actually cheating except those few who been kicked around.  Start commenting on other stories and start answering questions in Q&A.  Don't talk about sex.  Never bring it up.  If you really want to go there, hit up another site to break the seal, but don't do it here.  Keep things casual, friendly.  BE the laid back individual who doesn't have an agenda.  Have pm conversations, and don't bring up sex.  Let THEM bring it up.  Believe me, they will.  A small hint here, a little hint there.  You don't have to do much.  Maybe join the "I live in a sexless marriage" group, or something similar, but never post a story.  Just be there.  Comment on other stories.  You will have cyber buddies coming out your ears, pun intended.

To those who say they never...  never say never.
TrustIsEarned TrustIsEarned
46-50, F
May 10, 2012