A God With A Grudge

I was a hellion when I was young and broke every commandment. I think that if there really is a God he's a very vindictive one and I must have really pissed him off in my past. Now that I've finally mellowed out decades later it seems that I have had a series of difficulties. God seems to put the most awesome people into my life who I have no chance of ever being with. He makes me live in chronic pain. He separates me by distance from my daughter. yes I get angry at God!  

neonshades neonshades
51-55, M
5 Responses Mar 15, 2010

Thanks for your comments

I also struggle in this area. I made a lot of mistakes when I was younger, but if I knew better at the time, I was too caught up in the situation. A few years ago, I decided I wanted to be a better person and started working to that end. Almost immediately, my world started to crumble, and the better I try to be, the more things go south. The past 5 years have been a hell that is tetering on the threshold of my limits. Initially, I thought, OK, this is a test, but as the years have passed and things continue to decline, I am starting to think God is simply cruel and vindictive. I went to visit an old friend a few days ago that I have not seen face to face in many years and his new wife start ranting on and on about how great God is and her words sparked a rage within me that caught me completely off guard. I found myself so damn mad I thought I was truly about to have a stroke, but I did not want to be mean or rude, so I excused myself after a few minutes and left (after driving over 1,000 miles to get there) even though we had planned for me to spend a few days. From my perspective, I disagreed with her accessment at my very core and knew I would not be able to hold my tongue.

Yes, better to just leave. My mother is a religious zealot and it enflames me.

Thank you bf.

I struggle a lot with this kind of issue - being angry with god on the one hand and sometimes questioning whether there even is a god. but after reading ur post i just wanted to say...maybe god gives people the things he knows and trusts they can handle....what a true testament that would be to your character given that your light and sweetness and kind nature shine far stronger and brighter than most people who live with pain and difficulty.......bf.

I don't think he is vindictive. I think he handed out guidelines and we get to follow them...or not. The cost of sin is rarely free though.