It Made Me Feel Better.

my bf is quite blunt and he will say I'm kind of fat. I hate my weight and it hurts my feelings a lot. Im very emotional. And I hate that so when I get really upset I used to bang my head into the wall because all I could focus on after that was the knot on my head. But I ****** up a wall or two. I just learned about cutting and decided to try but I am afraid people will see me cuts so I scratch my arms really hardd with a sharpend pen cap or anything else Ican find that wont cut me without too much force. It hurts enough to make the pain go away so I hope it continues to work.

imjustlikeyou imjustlikeyou
22-25, F
7 Responses Apr 26, 2010

beeing fat is enough of a trouble not to feel guilty about it as an addition.
pain can be a release, bring peace, it's like it "cleans" you. it helps too to focus on your own self. i still believe that it should be experienced with somebody. somebody who cares and will not let you feel shame about it nor regrets, and who can also initiate you to new practices as he can control what's done to your body

Nahhh seriously. You shouldn't be causing harm to yourself over something your "lover" tells you about yourself. There's not a thing wrong with girls who have some substance to them. I mean, sure, there's unhealthy fatness, but if you are just borderline "plump", there's no need to have it thrown in your face all the time. Instead of harming yourself, you should lower your stress and kick him to the curb if he is not sensitive enough to care about your feelings!

You are beautiful as Savemylife says - don't let what others think come anywhere near your thoughts. Be concerned about yourself, not what others tell you to think or feel :)<br />
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He needs to be more sensitive however.

You're beautiful. You are never too fat, just love yourself. You are a strong woman. The models in magazines are fake and edited, giving women a bad image on beauty.

First of all, I'd like to say that skinny girls are overrated. It's all a fashion industry conspiracy.<br />
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Second, I don't know if this applies to you, but when I go through bouts of smacking myself in the head, it always comes from some sense of justice. It's like I "deserve" it for not living up to some kind of expectations. But the only thing that my "failure" has taken away from is my own happiness, which I am taking more away from by hating myself. Try to think of things in terms of greater good instead of blind justice. (I hope that actually helps)

So you are fat? Well remind him he has a little **** and YOU can lose weight.<br />
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Don't cut, go run. Run, bycycle, tread mill, physical excercise is as good as cutting (and hurts as much) and there is a "runners high" at the end if you do it right. Also it will help you be thin. You can't lose.

You should get a new bf. If someone loves you they accept you the way you are. My oldest step daughter went through the ordeal of cutting herself and it's not the way to fix your problems. You need to seek help from a licensed counselor and get to the bottom of what is really hurting you and your heart. Getting rid of the bf that is making you feel less of a person would be a great start. You deserve better and I want you to know that. Your body is a temple and you shouldn't have to tear it down a little at a time to make it "feel" right. My prayers are with you.