Feeling Lonely In the Middle of a Pretty Good Social Life

Does anyone out their feel friendless, even though you may have plenty of people around to do things with? I get invited to enough things I guess, and have a couple people who I regularly do things with, but I just don't feel close to anyone or like I have a "real" friend. I don't know what it is.

I'm a sahm so no work social life or connections, and I always made good friendships through work so I miss that. The few I've made since I've been home, are my kids' friends' parents. One, after an initial few years of some good times, turned out dreadful and ended badly. And another seems to be petering out. I seem to attract the most screwy individuals. So the friendship is doomed from the beginning. I'm in my 40's and lonely as hell, and feel like I'll never have a "real" friend.

I don't understand how all these people seem to have all these bff's that seem to last a lifetime. Is that the norm, or unusual? And what's wrong w/me that I don't have that? I tend to be on the introverted side, and nothing is better to me than staying home w/a good book. I just don't get all this frenetic busyness w/people. It almost seems like a competition with some people... their social lives and how many friends they have. Okay... long enough. Can anyone relate???

psssst psssst
46-50, F
3 Responses Mar 5, 2009

Took me a few minutes to decipher "sahm". At least you have your kids, and I assume a husband. I have no one. The person I thought was the love of my life dumped me like a cold fish last September, and I have since been struggling terribly with my self-esteem over that. In the meantime, I feel like I have no friends at all. The people who are in my life all seem more like acquaintances, and I usually never hear from them for long periods of time. I had started to make some new friends, and then I had a dispute with one and even though I apologized for my part, I lost that fledgling friendship and that person turned others against me. Other people I have tried to start friendships with have turned out to be users, only ever contacting me when they want to ask me for something. I don't know what it is with me, but at 50, even though still young looking and attractive, I just don't feel much hope for ever getting past this solitude I find myself dealing with. My phone has gone almost completely silent since my breakup, I only get the occasional call from a relative, or something business related. I am beautiful, have a good heart, great job, lots to offer, but here I am all alone. Yes, I have always been on the introverted side.

The only thing I can say here without being a complete sap or predictable, is that...well, nothing really comes to mind. Although I can say this; what do you consider about yourself that 'attracts the most screwy individuals' (your words- not mine)? Do you think you aren't a good friend yourself? Try to overcome your own barriers before going out to make a new friend. Like nrcsguy said, you are probably an introvert- nothing wrong with it at all. Most brilliant people tend to be introverts...However, I would like to ask this...why not make friends here? Yeah, I know, a website is usually a red warning flag when it is mentioned on a list of "How To Make Friends", but don't you think that's what you're doing, posting this entry? Nothing is wrong with you, its just who you are. Hundreds, even thousands, of people go through life with little to no friends...they may be introverts, maybe not. Nonetheless, a lot of people have boring lives...you just have to take a few chances for yourself, instead of trying to get someone to befriend you, who is close enough in your social circle to make you feel safe. If all else fails, however, no need to worry. Every one in EP, including myself, will be glad to be a true friend. :)

one word " Introvert ". Its not that you can't make a friend, i think some people just feel comfortable been alone on an island. If i was stuck on a deserted island, it would be great. All I have to think about is the hurricane.