Sometimes It's Just Overwhelming

In the past 4 months, I've separated from my husband after 18 years, moved 2,000 miles across the country "home", and am living with/taking care of my elderly mom.  And she's gone down hill since we got here.  A few months ago she lived along in an upstairs apartment.  Now she needs a walker and hasn't been outside since January - even now that it's warmed up.  Though she does walk around the house more and tries to get more exercise.  But, still, the decline is noticeable and scary for me, the only child. 

I also have a relatively mild form of bi-polar disorder - so I sometimes get depressed or my anxiety is sometimes off the scale.  And the situation just exacerbates the problem.

I work at the same job in Los Angeles - telecommuting with occasional trips.  It's part time but give me the chance to be with and take care of my mom and pays the bills.  So I'm thankful for that (though I'll be needing a few more hours from somewhere pretty soon - so, yes, I worry about that).

I find that I often just want to scream.  I'm emotionally drained a lot of the time.  I scared for my mom.  Heck, I'm pretty scared for myself sometimes.  And as you might have guessed, I'm having a particularly bad day.  I'm going to LA tomorrow and am nervous about leaving my mom for so long - even though we have several friends who will stopping by regularly and who are just a phone call away. 

It'l all work out, I guess.  But in the meantime, I just hear Rosanne Rosanadana saying to me "it's always something."
imabear imabear
51-55, F
1 Response Apr 3, 2012

I think the screaming is probably a necessary release from time to time considering all that you are dealing with. It is a lot. I hope that you can keep your intense and understandable worry in check long enough to let the "getting away" part help revitalize you. It IS always something (she was right) but maybe just remind yourself each day that you can only do what you can do. I tell myself that every day. Sometimes it helps. Thinking about you.