Why? When? How?

I am 23 yrs old
and i never thought that anything like this would happen to me.I didnt know i had it till i made a trip out of town to see my bf. And it was one of those nights when things get hot and heavy that the next day some thing had happened to both of us and we didnt understand.I told him this doesn't feel right and we both look bad.So i went to the health department to get some type of help cause i am a google freak that look things up and of course std's came up huh! And i told my bf i dont have anything.He told me well i have only been with you and no one else and i no i dont have anything.So when the day came i got a phone call and that was the worse day of my life! I cried my soul out to god with so much hurt in my heart. Asking god why me what did i do. Who did this to me? And why would they do such a horrible thing to a human being. I felt so dirty, embarrased,sad,not wanting to live anymore.And i didnt know how to break the news to my bf.I have been with him for a year and things are going well and then this came up.I was thinking all kinds of things in my mind that where not good. He is going to leave me. He is not going to want me. He is going to say i messed his life up. That this is all my fault. ooh man and you no it goes on. well he works as a correctional officer and he didnt get home till late late. And am bolled up with tears and puffy eyes the hole day thinking what am i going to say or do. And he told me babe what happened and i said it's not good news.He said ok well it cant be that bad i said yes it is.He said well whatever it is we both have it and we are both going to live with it so please tell me because i love you and that is not going to stop me from feeling the way i do for you. Am not going to leave you. so i cried even more and i said i have hsv2. what am i going to do?He said then so do i and we are going to do this together and it will be our secret.No one else needs to no but us.I am not going to lie it has still been hard for me to try to live with this and he is more excepting and understanding and willing to do whatever to prevent outbreaks that are very painful. And am the cry baby. We are getting married this year and we have been through some rough times with this and we are still are learning.But i end up down and alone not knowing what to do or if anyone feels the same. But i am so glad we have these wonderful support groups so that we can help each other out. Thank you all for your kind help.
blueargus blueargus
22-25, F
May 12, 2012