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Just A Little Push

Reassurance .... what a great word. Isn't it amazing how powerful words are? I mean they can build someone up into a better person or even tear someone down given enough time. 

The last few days I've had to mentally and because I talk even if I'm the only one listening, verbally reassure myself that things are going to keep getting better and better. 

Life has been one failure or disappointment after another. I've been able to keep my head above water but ... just enough to stay alive. I want to live the abundant life. I want my kids to find their heart song. I want everyday to be full of sunshine even if it's raining. 

I'm not just wishing for these things I'm actively working the hardest I've ever worked in my life to achieve this way of life. I feel like I've been doing everything *** backwards and it seems like putting the brakes on a train speeding in the wrong direction really does take everything I've got to give and more. 

Thank God He's given me what I need to hold steady and keep moving because I know for a fact I wouldn't be at this place without Him. 

I find reassurance in the fact that I'll never be perfect so if I make a mistake it's okay unless I refuse to correct it. The other thing I'm reassured by and this may seem strange to some and others may be able to relate but when ever I start praying or thinking or talking about the future something deep inside my belly starts to stir and roll around. Almost like a promise waiting to be be born out into the world, something only I've been able to feel and something others can only see change me. 

I don't know what the future holds but I'm know who I am. I have no fantasies about who I wish I was or who someone else says I am or even what society says I am. I'm learning who I really am and I'm amazed... I know that I can be bent but not broken. I know that I don't have quit in me. I know that I have a tenacity and strength only God Himself could have given me and will never take away. I know that if I keep working then many people will benefit from this ... this well of life that is starting to flow out of me and even find they're own well within. 

 Now... I'm reassured. 

deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Mar 8, 2012

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Yes, sometimes we are the only one who can reassure us. Regardless, if we don't have 100% confidence in ourselves and everything we do, no amount of reassurance from any amount of people will matter! We must do whatever it takes to gain confidence and believe in ourselves!<br />
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You are strong and independant exactly like you need to be whether you are married or not!<br />
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You used to be an athlete when you were in school, right?

yes, reassuring words are very powerful. you have truly been an inspiration to me. i've watched your journey, amazed at your strength and diligence. i have prayed for you and the boys and still do. God has great plans for you, plans to prosper you. <br />
(Jer 29:11)