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A World I Struggle to Understand,and one i dont think i want to.
Aug 6th, 2008
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48 Comments
I
love my job. I enjoy the knowledge i can share everyday,and the feeling of actually helping somebody.
Part of our service as a community pharmacy is to fill prescriptions for drug addicts..ie: methadone, subutex,diazepam etc..
we actually have a pretty good rapport with most of the addicts we serve,most are just "normal "people who have lost their way or got in with the wrong crowd,and most ,just want a chance to get off the drugs and start afresh..
There is this one girl..slim,probably once attractive..in her early 20's.We first met her last year ,when she was sent to us to recieve daily,supervised doses of methadone.She was pregnant by her drug dealer boyfriend.We watched her belly grow over the months,and felt sad for the child inside,but hopeful as his mother stuck to the program and professed her longing to keep and raise her child.
Towards the end of her pregnancy,her speech was often slurred when she arrived for her medication,we were sure she was using again.
Her child was born extremely premature,his convulsions were a direct effect of drug withdrawal and he was rushed to intensive care where he remained for weeks..luckily the child survived,and was eventually put up for adoption..although the mother continually lied to us about how she was visiting him and he would soon be home with her.
This girl is pregnant again..at 5 months pregnant,her tummy has hardly swelled..she has one single tooth left in her head and her nails are black with ash.."its ok",she says,"its not by the same father"(as if that makes this alright)
yesterday ,when she arrived for her daily prescription,she was high as a kite,staggering around the store,laughing out loud and swearing .She was handed her medication(now diazepam and another substance) to be taken morning and evening..she took the whole lot in one go,and laughed as she chewed all 10 tablets and swallowed..i felt sick.My job is not to judge,i work in a caring profession,i felt no anger against her..just a huge wave of sadness.i dont think she will live to see another summer,a downward spiral of self destruction is unfolding in front of us. The doctors give her pills because they dont know what else to do,we can all see the future.
I watched her swallow the horse -sized dose of drugs and i imagined them pumping through her bloodstream to the child growing inside.The womb should be the safest place on earth,and a mother,the one you can depend on..yet ,somehow,this girl stood before me,slowly killing herself and her unborn baby.My heart is breaking,the sadness i feel is overwheming,yet it is a story that is repeating itself all over the world every day.
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  | Posted Aug 6th, 2008 at 10:55PM Its hard not to become dispondant....... I wonder what her home life was like and what her childhood was like. Its too bad the medical profession cannot sanction her under the mental health act for the period of her confinement . I would think that they would have a duty of care to protect the fetus.... I bet if she was going to terminate the child past 22 weeks therre would be public outrage, media attention etc. Crack/crystal meth is a horrendous drug.......... What sort of treatment facilities/public health is available in your country? This is a dreadful shame .   |
 | Posted Aug 8th, 2008 at 10:23AM thanks for your comments..this girl has had plenty of help and every chance to get assistance..pity of others can only go so far..if an unborn child is not incentive,then nothing is. |
  | Posted Aug 8th, 2008 at 11:34AM That's so terrible...to see such things day in and day out...watching people destroy themselves...I had the **** repeatedly slapped outta me by an ex-chick once when she had a nervous breakdown, all the friends who witnessed it said "wow dude, you are so much more a man than I, I would've knocked the hell out of her".... ...and reading this I think 'that's nothing compared to putting up with this'...kudos to you, you have a lot of soul. |
 | Posted Aug 21st, 2008 at 12:14PM What I feel is sad, is that you don't want to understand why some people are the way they are. What makes them do drugs like this girl and get pregnant time after time. You have no idea what this girls childhood was like, that follows her in her adult life. Her parents could have been drug addicts or had another addiction, like abuse. Her parents didn't teach her how to live,or how to set boundaries, or what love is. She grew up with "no" self esteem,oppose to little self esteem. This girl doesn't know what "life preservation is", because she has never been taught. You don't know the reason why she went back to using, it could have been forced. The reason why she keeps getting pregnant is because she is searching for love. Grant it, it's in the wrong way, with the wrong people, but this is all she knows in life. She keeps coming back to your work place, because that is "hope" for her. She is looking for a "connection", someone who "cares". Who will help her, besides just giving drugs. She needs someone to talk to,someone to understand her, to give that extra within them to her. There are some people sooo lost in this world,they don't even know who they are,let alone know why they are born. Some people can't see their choices, or options in life. You almost have to paint a picture, give them a map and then hold their hand until they can stand on their own. Be thankful that you didn't grow up this way,that you make all the right decisions in your life, and that when you lay your head down, you don't have to worry about if you are going to wake up the next day, or what that day will bring. Most of them pray they don't wake up. +4 nods |
| Posted Aug 21st, 2008 at 12:32PM Im sorry shai,but she was more likely sleeping with someone for drugs than for love.and as for coming into the shop for company? um..no..half the time she tries to send her retarded brother in to collect her mediation because she cant"be bothered to get out of bed"(her words ,not mine).i did say how sad her situation made me..and as i know most of her history (and chose not to tell it,for fear that she could be recognised),i can say my pity for her only goes so far .her choices are hers,but the unborn child faces a life of abuse before it is even born. i have ,at no point in this story condemned her. +2 nods |
 | Posted Aug 21st, 2008 at 1:19PM I agree with you, just4play, that you have done everything that you can do to help this girl. No, Shai, we don't know what her home life was like, what she suffered as a child, and what led her down this path, but as someone who works in the mental health field, I see much the same thing day after day. On a personal note, as someone who wishes for and can't have children, I have lost my empathy for those who are pregnant and exposing their unborn child to every drug imaginable simply to get their fix. I believe in helping those who want the help, but who will stand up for the rights of that unborn baby simply because mom needs to get high? +2 nods |
| Posted Aug 21st, 2008 at 1:22PM I agree with you, just4play, that you have done everything that you can do to help this girl. No, Shai, we don't know what her home life was like, what she suffered as a child, and what led her down this path, but as someone who works in the mental health field, I see much the same thing day after day. On a personal note, as someone who wishes for and can't have children, I have lost my empathy for those who are pregnant and exposing their unborn child to every drug imaginable simply to get their fix. I believe in helping those who want the help, but who will stand up for the rights of that unborn baby simply because mom needs to get high? |
 | Posted Aug 21st, 2008 at 2:18PM It is a shame... I feel sadness and anger. I know this will sound harsh, but it's appalling that she is carrying this baby. If the child survives, it may be cursed with an addictive personality just like it's mother, and the cycle may continue. Even worse, the child may not make it. There are so many women who cannot conceive (I am one of them), and this person is just throwing away not just her life, but her baby's life. There are people who go through years of anguish and go through their life savings just to have one of their own. For people to be so flip about another life (not once, but TWICE!!) they are growing inside them makes me want to vomit... +2 nods |
| Posted Aug 21st, 2008 at 2:25PM It is a shame... I feel sadness and anger. I know this will sound harsh, but it's appalling that she is carrying this baby. If the child survives, it may be cursed with an addictive personality just like it's mother, and the cycle may continue. Even worse, the child may not make it. There are so many women who cannot conceive (I am one of them), and this person is just throwing away not just her life, but her baby's life. There are people who go through years of anguish and go through their life savings just to have one of their own. For people to be so flip about another life (not once, but TWICE!!) they are growing inside them makes me want to vomit... |
 | Posted Aug 21st, 2008 at 5:00PM I'm glad you spoke out about this. People in helping fields have so many stresses, and sharing helps. Even if she isn't making progress, you're doing the right thing by trying to help her and her baby. My only suggestion would be to direct her to a local pregnancy center. They can give her information about prenatal development, and an ultrasound of her unborn child. That might be the wake-up call that she needs to get straight. Search here- http://www.optionline.org/advantage.asp I wish you the best. |
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