I'm Beginning To Think I Am

I am never happy. I am good at pretending to be happy. I play the goofy/buffoon role very well. I can make others laugh, but I can never make myself happy. I try. I really do. One day I wake up feeling fine. Feeling that "today is going to be a good day." Then something happens and trashes the day. I submit myself into depression, I sink into my bed and refuse to get up. This week has been a rather rough week. I feel as if though the world is against me. Whether or not I say something I'm damned for either speaking out or staying quiet. =[
thanatophobic thanatophobic
22-25, F
3 Responses Jul 18, 2010

Hi just read your exp. sounds a lot like me to be honest. I've always been a jokey type and I'm always the first one to crack a joke. However some days I literally can't be bothered being awake. Because I'm quite bubbly most of the time I don't feel I can talk to anyone about it. It comes and goes. For exams yesterday I literally couldn't raise the effort to watch tv ....today I'm in a great mood for no apparent reason. I'd never heard of bi polar until my friend mentioned it.......just always assumed I was a bit moody :)

i know exactly how u feel i feel the same way all the time and suspect i may be bi polar as well its not easy to deal with a lot huh.

you must be reading my mind lol. this is the second story of your that i could have written myself. i've been feeling so blah for so long that sometimes i wonder if there is light at the end of the tunnel? i hope we both find it :)