Life Is Hard

 hi my name is sam am 20 years old my family is from iraq i was born in USA. i dont really know how to say this i have never sheer any thing with anyone but i got sick of holding everything inside of me i dont know if am a good person or no sometimes i like telling my self that am a good man cuz ppl tell me that i am but no one know me no one have ever tried  everyone just like what i do for them or how i look like and how i speak or how funny i am or how smart i am or how much i help.. but that is not me ... i grow up if a very rich family but i never had nothing i never had a toy as i was growing up like my cosines or friends i never had a father love no matter how much i tried to show him what i can do he never told me son am proud of you ween other ppl did tell me that am a very good kid he used to beat me up all the time and not the good way and after he will do that he will hit my mother and every time he dose my mother will leave the house i had 4 brothers who were babies  and i was only 7 years old and we had a really really big house i used to cook clean and wash and take care of the kids till me mother will come back sometimes it will take a year sometimes its 7 months other times are few weeks never had time for me its always looking after other ppl didnt enjoy nothing in life but i always had a big smile on my face always joking around always happy so no one ever knew the pain inside everyone things am really strong from the inside out .. ween i was really week and sick and tired ... so ween i was 15 i got tired of that  life and i decided that am gonna run away from everyone and leave all the ppl i loved .. so one morning i wake up before everyone i took my passport and stool 17000$ from my fathers room took my back bag and run away it was a very hard 4 days for a chilled in iraq just to get out of that country but i made it out i went to morocco to my mothers family they were a good ppl but didnt have much money to give or a good life i was still at high school i stayed there for 1 year  and then come to america back to were i was born i thought nit was gonna be easy but i was wrong i didnt have any money or anyone to go to lived in the street for 4 months  no food no place to sleep or wash but i never asked anyone for help not my family or friends so after that i found a job as  a bar back in a club i start meeting a lot of ppl making good money that paid my bills and rent everyone loved me the i started to meet girls which for some reason liked me a lot but they always looking for just fun and all what i was looking for is love some one to understand me to tell her what is wrong what hurts the most what i think what i wanna do to help me find out who am i to help me find my self but never got lucky i started to get hurt again a lot i stayed in new york for 4 years then i moved to indianapolis to start over but its hard here too now i dont know what to do i think about killing my self every sec of my life i saw enough pain that no one has seen and i cant take it anymore am looking for one good thing in my life something to make my hold on in life for but i cant find .. if anyone read this i wanna say life is too damn short make the best of it old on to the ppl who really love you and been there for you all the time if you find love pliz old on to it cuz without love were are nothing but moving stones .... 
selemannadeem147 selemannadeem147
18-21
May 8, 2012