I,m A Dreamer Why Can't I Just Dream Forever

well i wish i could sleep forever so i can exist in my dreams because life is such... a drag, my dreams are amazingly vivid and i am often lucid in them. i can be anybody anything. i know people say you can do anything if you just put your mind to it, well heres the problem im the laziest kid i know and i seriously lack ambition for about anything except art. i've been like this since about 10 which is kinda funny because i feel somewhat like stan did in southpark where on his tenth birthday everything he liked turned to **** well thats kinda what i feel in a sense like i'll try to do something then be like 'oh wait i dont want to do this anymore, to much work" i guess i dont really know who i am . im only 15 so i havent down much i guess never really took risks except like doing stupid **** with my friends and graffiti. i really never had like a best friend like somebody i'd hang out everyday always get along. im get nervous around girls low self esteem im really short 5' 1 i think i might be adding an inch or two. my parents are splitting up and its gotten kinda messy and i guess- i never thought about till now but when about tenish my parents revealed to me that my step-dad who i thought was my real dad was um my step-dad <--- messed that sentence up
anyway yeah so my biological father has never been around that much so now he wants to esablish somesort of relationship with me which i dont want to because my step-dad to me is like a real dad to me dont know how to word this ... its like my bio father is blood but i dont need blood i need bones aka need a foundation , someone who will all ways be there for me and my step-dad is that foundation he could never fail me , i got my analagy from a song called "like father like son" by the word alive you should check them out if you like hardcore. any like i was say way back before i got off topic um since they told me danny my dads name wasnt my real father i started to get kinda deppressed and cynical , lethargic for the most part like i smoked 20 bowls (i think thats what they,re called idk i dont smoke) so yeah im like fatigued everyday its hard for me to wake up and i just want to sleep foreverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!
18-21, M
Oct 17, 2011