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Death Wish Prayer

I am 52 years old and all I want from life....is death. My life actually ended in May, 1980, when I lost a high paying blue collar job and with it, the good life. My life has been mediorcre ever since due to major health problems and financial loss. Things have degenerated to the point that now I must live in a nursing home as a ward of the State. I fought the fight of my life to turn things around and not end up in this awful facility, but I lost. I have no family, no friends, nobody. I am totally alone in the world without a single reason for living. I am just an enormous expense to the taxpayers being kept alive in this place which I absolutely hate, loathe and despise. This post will no doubt bring some highly critical and negative responses. Thats fine because everyone is entitled to their opinion. However, before anyone passes judgement upon me, I hope they will put themselves in my shoes for a moment and try to see life through my eyes. Not everyone gets to have a happy, healthy high quality life. Those that do, should truly count their blessings and not be so harsh in their judgement of people who hate life and want to die. Death: The Great Equalizer.
Hawk44Gent Hawk44Gent 51-55 11 Responses Sep 14, 2010

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I know how you feel, and I feel the same way, but I have never had that good life that you had the chance to experience, and it's all superficial anyway! I came from a decent family from society standards, but for many years I was sexually, mentally and physically abused by my brother and never got help from my parents who knew of it, because he was their son. Ouch! I am now in my mid 40's and very, very alone. All my friends are married and have kids. They try to see me but are always so busy with their "family" responsibilities. I work hard, I am an attractive woman, but nobody wants me men, family, nobody. And this world is no place to be without a spouse or children, evenmoreso in the Internet age. There is a reason why people commit suicide. They don't just give up. I am sure they have cried out repeatedly to God for help, for love, and don't get it. I pray practically every single night that I don't wake up. I have even actually, twice in my life in the past ten years, been told by two completely different, unrelated people in my life, that I am a waste of human life. Twice...in one lifetime! How many good, upstanding people can say that? And I am someone that does TONS of charity and volunteer work. Some people just don't belong "here" and some are just simply unwanted and unlovable. Given this experience, it would be a gift to the world if I were no longer in it. Please answer my prayer, Lord and let me leave this life asap.

I think sometimes it's just your perspective you need to try and change. To look at things in a different way. You say you feel you're an enormous expense to the taxpayer. You were the taxpayer when you had your job you loved. You deserve the care you get and shouldn't feel like a burden at all. Finding something else to occupy your time can take your mind off thinking too much which in my experience can be a negative thing. How about writing? Or something you enjoy which you can get some satisfaction out of and feel like you're achieving something - you can even set yourself little deadlines or tasks and when you complete them you may feel better and more in control. I hope this helps. I don't think anyone in the world is completely happy - it seems to be part of humanity to never be satisfied, but keeping positive about things - like just the mindset - can make you feel better.



In my experience, the thoughts we have, or allow ourselves to have can affect our entire impression of the world. If we are aware of the thoughts we have we can consciously try to change them and hopefully change our outlook on life. You can view numerous events as positive or negative, and it completely depends on the person - but in my experience this is something you can change, if you want to. If you go out into the world expecting to see negative things, the likelihood is that's what you'll see, but if you go out expecting to see positive things then this is what your attention is primed and directed towards, and thus what you will see. This can all reinforce our way of thinking - so I think a useful thing I've done in the past is to change my expectations, and how I interpret things. I had a year where I was extremely paranoid and thought people looked on me critically because I looked on myself critically - which obviously then only reinforced my own beliefs.



Hope this helps. It's kind of a long reply.

Not everyone gets to have a happy, healthy high quality life. Those that do, should truly count their blessings and not be so harsh in their judgement of people who hate life ....

ALTHOUGH I DO NOT WANT TO DIE, I TOTALLY FEEL ALONE INSIDE AND I HATE LIVING BUT WE MUST KEEP GOING. I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND YOU BUT IT IS NOT THE END.I HAVE BEEN DEALT A HORRIBLE LIFE FROM THE BEGINNING BUT IM STILL HERE.

I understand. I'm not in a nursing home, there's no MD to order one for me. I am in constant physical pain, have no friends nor relatives left, and cannot walk across the floor long enough to do basic living tasks. Because of many medical problems, I am broke and in debt. I can never pay everything I owe. I have no desire to live as a leech on society. Death would be a blessing.

laying here in bed wishing for death i came across your posting I'm almost in the same situation but i have my health and i think one friend with family that doesn't care or like me or understand me. i hope something nice happens for you today. for myself i still wish for death.



IMADMAN

I understand how you feel (sort of). I am miserable in my own way. if you are anywhere near me i want to be a friend to visit you. I would love to have someone with the desire to simply be friends. We can play cards or whatever.. I live in north west Florida.

YOU KNOW LIFE IS UNPRIDICTABLE YOUR HEALTHY TODAY SICK TOMMOROW , RICH TODAY POOR TOMORROW,BUT THERES SOMTHING YOU DO HAVE IS LIFE FOR WHY OR WHAT IS AMASING ,THE REASON IS GOD,THATS YOUR FAMILY AND FREINDS,IT SUCKS TO FEEL LONELY JUST *** OTHER THINGS,BUT YOUR MIND IS WHAT KEEPS YOU IN CONNECTION WITH YOURSELF,DEATH IS EASY,BUT TO LIVE IS HARDER AND TO BE ALIVE IS A TRUE HONOR TO YOU,KEEP FIGHTING,AND REMEMBER GOD HAS LET YOU THIS FAR SO YOU CAN LEARN FROM US,AND TO MAKE UP YOUR MIND TO DO BETTER,AND YOUR BLESSED TO HAVE MADE IT THIS FAR,YOU SHOULD BE PROUD OF YOURSELF FOR YOUR LOVE TO LIVE GIVES YOU HOPE TO GO ANOTHER DAY.GOOD LUCK MAN I HOPE THIS HAVE HELPED YOU.

Im was actually stunned when i ran across this post. As that the time Hawk posted this, i was his gf whom he said he was deeply in love with. Him and i are no longer together due to this post and other reasons. How can you believe that someone loves you when you read something like this. You cant. Where did the trust and honesty go?

i am really sad to hear your story, from my little experience in life , i always hear sad stories about sad people, who have bad accedents in their lives ,

i want to suggest something for you, i hope you give it a try,

hear is the holly quran translated in english, try to read and i am sure you will be better



http://www.islamicity.com/mosque/surai.htm



try to find out why some people get every thing and others get nothing but difficulties and loseness, is it all by chance , is every thing in life is made by chance , or there is a god who controls every thing for a certain reason.

I truly count my blessings for what I have, cause I am happy I can say thank you to Jesus. You must be too smart and not go to church or even a social club, like helping someone less fortunate than you are. Remember, you got something lots of people don't have, smarts and the will to survive to the best of your abilities. Since you have a simple job, that gives you time to socialize with people that need help. Soon you will be a leader cause you know what to do as a blue colar worker.I have a job, attend church and member of five clubs, beside weekly gambling for fun. What more can I ask for, beside being happy. Try it, you like the people around you.

Hi Hawk!



I just want to say that I'm very sorry about your life situation. Especially since you have no family or friends to help you out. That would make anyone depressed I would think. I know I would hate to be in your shoes, I just wish something could be done to make your life much better. I wish you a very nice day.