Doret Still Stands, Terod Did Fall

Doret is me backwards. Ive barely lived life and im already sick of whatever its suppose to be and humanity in itself. For so long i use to care, i use to feel like it was necessary to do as im told, and i myself became a piece of electronic equipment to be used for others. Being a doll only last so long until the robot realizes he doesn't have a heart or his own thoughts ;but oh did the world shoot me down quick, the moment i had thoughts and emotions of my own, and so i fell and continued falling and once i hit rock bottom i then began to sink into the **** called reality which i realized wasn't made for me. I asked myself questions "why am i here?", "why was i born?","what is my purpose?", "do others have purposes?", and i found that after asking so many others none of them had an answer so there is honestly no answer.

Seeing as there was no answer to save me i drowned, yes, i sunk in and drowned in my own frowning face which didn't even have anymore tears to shed. I created something that could survive, something that didn't need an answer, something that didn't care for explanations so petty, and it was completely horribly perfect and unexcepted by people that it fit right into society. I have a constant yerning for death yet i could never pull the trigger, i only hope someone else will, and until then i will be and stay the complete menace to the world i am, i will spread lust, share my horrible thoughts, and express myself in anyway possible until i am given the peace i so rightfully deserve. I am 18, today is just another day, and tomorrow will be repetition. ~ Doret
DoretEnabled DoretEnabled
18-21, M
1 Response Jan 19, 2013

You are so young. I am 21 and have been struggling with similar issues for the past few years. It's almost like an existential vacuum - why am I here? Honestly, what is the point of withstanding the suffering that comes with being human? Why not just get it over with?
Unfortunately, this is the very essence of human existence. Everyone struggles with these issues, some never think of them and live happy - but not completely full - lives. Others are driven crazy by them. But it is not the situation that we can control, only how we react to them. I have come to believe that the question of meaning is answerable for each individual person. So who are you going to be: the person who gives in to this question that life has put forth for you, or the person who goes out to find their very own answer?
In my journey thus far, I have found a few things that have helped to comfort me: therapy / opening up to others (posting your story online is a great step in that department), reading "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor E. Frankl, and this simple idea:
Life is like a movie. It has a meaning and an overall message, but you can not grasp it until the end, and only if you have paid attention to and experienced each individual scene along the way.
Basically, you don't know how you will feel about your meaning in the world when you are lying on your deathbed at 100 years old. But I can tell you that it won't be the same as you do now. Just trust that it will be worth it and try to experience both positive and negative situations with genuine interest in living - in finding out what it's all about. And if it's any comfort, it will be over before you know it!