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I Want It to Come So Bad....

I want death to come so bad. I don't want to hurt, I don't want to Miss my friends so much. They are all gone, and I miss them. They got to escape this hell called life, why can't I. What is so bad about me, that I can't have what I want, just this once, and be able to escape this life. I just don't want to do it anymore!

deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Jun 24, 2009

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If you ever found yourself diagnosed with a terminal illness, and faced the reality of impending death, you'd probably change your mind. Death is not romantic or glamorous in any way.<br />
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I have seen enough death to last me the rest of my life, and I know I haven't seen the last. I have lost friends in many ways, some sudden and violent. <br />
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One of my friends took his own life. He was 22 years old. He was a good person, the last person you would ever imagine making that decision, and I have spent the years since feeling as though I failed him as a friend. That when I saw him the last time, I should have noticed something was wrong. That maybe I could have made a difference and he'd still be alive.<br />
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I am sorry to you for the loss of your friends. If you lost friends to suicide, I would say that if they had the chance to take it back, they would. If they knew how many people loved them and mourned for them, and how it affected their lives. But they couldn't see past their own pain. That's not a judgement, just a fact. More people care for you than you could possibly know. Don't make a decision that will tear their lives apart.<br />
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Your profile says you're in the 18-21 age range. You literally have your entire life ahead of you. It does get better. Maybe it seems like it's impossible, and I'm sure you think how I have no idea and could never understand what exactly your life is like, or what you have faced, but you're not alone in that feeling. <br />
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You can learn from the worst of experiences. If you can heal from your experiences, you may benefit others. One day you might be in a position to help someone in a situation like yours. You could make a difference in their life, and prevent them from hurting themselves and the people that love them. You will reach them because you will speak to them with the wisdom that can only come from experience...not something you read in a book, or listened to a lecture in class.<br />
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If you use/abuse any substances, stop. It clouds your thinking and your judgement, and it will not make it all go away. You need to look at your entire situation with a clear mind. You're a stronger person than you may realize or give yourself credit for.