I wish I could see what life would be like if I never existed. Then, I would be able to know if all my negative beliefs about myself were true. I am a very very ordinary girl. I usually remain unnoticed, unheard of, uncared of. I believe that I am useless and and just a hastle in everyone's life. I wonder everyday why I am here and if I do have a purpose that is worth living for. I think people view me as lazy and rude yet I try so hard to be dependable and help people. I'm just waiting for the day I can leave my life and start a new one where no one knows me and I can show them who I am. I am waiting for the day i can be independant and successful and won't need anyone to help me. That day seems like it will never come. It is just a dream that someone will destroy in this hopeless world. Then, sometimes I feel I am extremely weak to think this way, to have no optimism. I feel I do not deserve to have my life and someone less fortunate should have it. Because on the surface my life seems perfectly fine and they can probably easily make something of it. Then you have people who think you are whiny and ungrateful when all you are really trying to do is show them how you feel and find some answers. Does anyone else ever feel this way or am i a freak?