Sometimes You Don't Know What You Want..

I have been married twice. My first husband cheated so we got a divorce. Then I met my current husband. We dated for 7 years just to make sure it was right. I really thought it was but as soon as we got married 3 years ago everything changed. He's a pessimist and always acts like life sucks and is always in a bad mood. I can't stand that. He's in a rock band and plays many shows. I have always supported him but we had a daughter who is almost 2. On the days I have to work I don't mind taking her to a sitter if he has a show but if I happen to work in the morning I would like him to watch her or at least pick her up at a decent hour. He won't. He leaves her at the sitter all day until I pick her up because god forbid he have to change a diaper. He's changed  exactly two since she was born. I just wish he'd grow up. He wanted to be a dad then refuses to step up and do what he needs to do. I guess it makes me not like him much.

I was at his show last night and a girl was telling me that I am the luckiest girl alive. She informed me that she's been madly in love with my husband for a year and she comes to all of his shows. I used to go but haven't as much since I had my daughter. I told her she might feel differently if she knew him better or lived with him. I honestly wanted to tell her she could have him but I didn't. I know that's just a mean though. I'll never cheat because I know how it feels to be cheated on but I do wish we wouldn't have gotten married. I do NOT regret my daughter though. She's absolutely perfect.

The other day a guy at work who didn't realize I was married asked me out. I told him I was married but I can't help but wonder "What if?" The cool thing about being single is when you meet someone and you get that first kiss you get all tingly inside. I miss that. Sadly, I think my husband probably feels the same way but I doubt he'd ever cheat because he's also been cheated on.

Now I feel like the worlds worst wife for even saying this but I needed to.