Birthday BluesToday isn't the first day I've felt like disappearing, but I feel it none the less. It's my birthday. I'm not reaching a milestone, "over the hill", having a huge party or even excited about it. Granted 23 isn't anything to raise a fuss about. No one really cares.
I sound pathetic complaining but somedays I just want to evaporate. My life is a perpetual state of "what if" and being confused on where I should be heading in life. I'm single, have been for over 3 years, I have a job I can't stand most days and seemingly nothing to live for. I have a lot to live for though! Although no one pays me much mind I want to disappear from my current situation and see if anyone cares enough to see where I went. If I had the ability to I would pack my bags, empty my bank account, fill my car up and drive until I feel like stopping.
I am old enough to know that isn't the right thing to do, running away from my problems. I've spoken to a few people around my parents age and each one of them said they would've loved to just run away and start a new life somewhere else. There is no perfect place sadly. The notion of leaving familiarity and thrusting oneself into a new, unknown place seems exciting! I have issues with change, I'll admit, but change is necessary. If more people left their comfort zone I'm sure there would be more happiness in the world.
Maybe disappearing would be a good thing. A positive change. I sometimes wish to disappear into a better life, not disappear completely.