Birthday Blues

Today isn't the first day I've felt like disappearing, but I feel it none the less. It's my birthday. I'm not reaching a milestone, "over the hill", having a huge party or even excited about it. Granted 23 isn't anything to raise a fuss about. No one really cares.
I sound pathetic complaining but somedays I just want to evaporate. My life is a perpetual state of "what if" and being confused on where I should be heading in life. I'm single, have been for over 3 years, I have a job I can't stand most days and seemingly nothing to live for. I have a lot to live for though! Although no one pays me much mind I want to disappear from my current situation and see if anyone cares enough to see where I went. If I had the ability to I would pack my bags, empty my bank account, fill my car up and drive until I feel like stopping.
I am old enough to know that isn't the right thing to do, running away from my problems. I've spoken to a few people around my parents age and each one of them said they would've loved to just run away and start a new life somewhere else. There is no perfect place sadly. The notion of leaving familiarity and thrusting oneself into a new, unknown place seems exciting! I have issues with change, I'll admit, but change is necessary. If more people left their comfort zone I'm sure there would be more happiness in the world.
Maybe disappearing would be a good thing. A positive change. I sometimes wish to disappear into a better life, not disappear completely.
insideout24 insideout24
22-25, F
4 Responses May 24, 2011

Exactly, Azaliea!

Count your blessings.<br />
Remember there is always someone worse off than yourself.<br />
Change is great, adventure is in our blood, but we also have to be practical. What can and can't we do. What will or won't we do. You are young and you have a whole life ahead of you, live it to the fullest. Take the joy from it whenever it happens. Don't focus on the negatives so much, rather look at the positives and expand on them, embrace them, live life without regret. There is nothing more sad than hearing an old person saying..." I wish I had done ...... when I was young and capable."

Yesterday was my birthday and it came and went quietly. Not my 23rd, more than double that. :-)<br />
<br />
Insideout, you have a wonderful gift today...youth! I don't read a lot of sadness in your post. I hear you at a crossroads in your life and wanting to make changes. That very doable, especially at your age. No need to disappear, start looking around and be open to all the different possibilities. Maybe that's a new job, or new town, maybe a class in something you've always wanted to learn.<br />
<br />
I have two sons your age, one is classical music performer. After graduating, I was encouraging him to continue on and get his masters degree. Then he comes to me with this idea to take 6 months to play music on a cruise ship. What??!! "You're a serious musician, that's ridiculous!"<br />
But then it dawned on me, what a wonderful adventure! He's young and should explore whatever makes him happy. <br />
And I've never been on a cruise :-)

Disappearing into a better tomorrow is always a good ambition...