All Alone With My Messed Up Thoughts.

Somedays I really actually like talking to people or being outside. But other days all I want to do is stop fighting all the **** in my head and finally turn my life over to the pain. I get tired of putting up a strong front and pretending that everything is okay. I am usually a good actress and very few people can see through the charade that I put up. I can hide from my pain and anger most days....but it all catches up eventually. I want to cut. I want to hide. I don't want to be anyway anymore. I'm sick of faking happiness. I'm tired of the fights and the tears. I'm just plain tired.


Sorry I needed to vent.

luckypickle luckypickle
2 Responses Aug 20, 2009

That was very beautiful and I thank you for sharing. Writing is one of my releases as well.

I can honestly feel your pain, sorrow, and depression, i battled through these exact same things for many years, the cutting, the overdoses on pills, all to rid my head of the pain... i felt so alone, like noone understood / cared, they kept telling me, get over it, or let it go... which confirmed my beliefs because if they understood, then they would know it wasnt that day at one of my lows i figured out that i was able to write poetry, and by doing so felt so relieved to get the thoughts out of my head, and down on paper.. i had some really wicked thoughts, now i have a whole stack of twisted poetry... hell, i'll get one out real quick...<br />
<br />
My tears fall down like the rain,<br />
my soul cries from all my pain,<br />
my lifes filled with such sorrow,<br />
no relief, no hope for tomorrow,<br />
each day worse than the day before,<br />
same amount of pain, if not more,<br />
i dont see any endd in sight,<br />
through this tunnel of torment, there is no light,<br />
left here abandoned in the dark,<br />
years of abuse have left their mark,<br />
im tired, restless and broken,<br />
on my hatred i'm always choking,<br />
cant breathe and theres no relief<br />
lost all my ambition, dreams, and beliefs,<br />
nowhere to turn, no where to go, nowhere to run,<br />
so in my misery i'm doomed to this struggle until my life is done..<br />
<br />
this was one of my first ones, and i am by no means a poet, and dont claim to be one, but this is what helped me, and hopefully you'll find an outlet for yours too, even if its writing stories, or doing something productive, just know i have been where you are, i feel your pain, and i understand...