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My Brain Is Tired.

The last few days, I have felt lost in myself. I'm in a hole that I can't seem to get out of. I sit here at this computer most of the time and just read the stories, not commenting or just flipping around groups aimlessly. I love the friends I have here so much and appreciate everything they have said and done and that they have been there.

I don't know why I'm in this pit. I have no more reason or no more pain than anyone else here, so I don't like that I feel so bad right now. I know I'll get over it soon. I always do. I just need some time. I don't know. I can't crawl off in RL, the world won't let me. Maybe, though it will help if I just drift here awhile.

Maybe just rest my head. It's quiet here, if you let it be. No one to see you if you don't want. Just a shadow that everyone will ignore.

theredlady theredlady 41-45, F 26 Responses Oct 16, 2009

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Okie dokie. :P

Hehe, I only found it through sheer luck - I would never have sniffed it out in a million years! I think it's a very cool place, but each to their own. Check it out :)

Most welcome D9. Lol I know this may sound stupid, but EP Kung Fu? I'm oblivious...... :D

Hey again, I'm glad you thought of me, and it made you happy :) I will update soon, but first I have to sleep and go to work. There is much to say..... <br />
As for no rush - I reckon you might have something to say about that over at EP Kung Fu :)<br />
Take care =]<br />
D9<br />
PS thanks for remembering to put D9!

Hello, D9. I'm so glad to hear you have found someone to bring you hope again. Life is full of surprises. It's good that you are taking your time. There is no rush when it comes to these things. I wish you luck and happiness and can't wait for updates. You have given me some happy news to think about. I always like to hear of someone finding happiness.(hugs)

Hey, that's wonderful news! Surprises like that can spring from nowhere, I've had a good few lately :) I'm so glad you've found a few things, both new and old, that 'make you tick' a little. You may be overtaking me there! :P I'm now slip-sliding back towards not being bothered to do them again. But, I do have a reason now, a lady no less, and I am fighting. She is being wonderful at giving me space (her being in a different city til August helps!), and time to do so. I hope to move on from this point with all the success of someone who believes that success comes. <br />
Please call me D9 - desperation reminds me of something I don't so much like now. I won't change my name, because this is a place for people to realise that dark secrets exist in the most caring, 'normal' people too.<br />
Take care. x

Hello desperation, it's good to hear from you again. I think I know what you mean. I am only just discovering that my interests have turned in new directions. It's been hard to see that for a long time, but I think I'm finally finding some new insight into myself. I've even found renewed interest in some areas I thought I 'd left behind years ago. I recently had a surprise heart to heart with a friend of mine here in RL, who I thought was so stable. She broke down over the phone and when I went to meet her, we talked for what seemed like hours. I never realized how alike the state of mind of a widow is like that of someone who has divorced. It brought me to ground.

Hey theredlady, I missed your comment :( I too lost sight of what I wanted/liked. I felt separate from other people, like an alien looking into human life from the outside: able to criticise, but powerless to do anything about it. Try to search for things that make you go wow (even just a picture of a beautiful sunset). If even that has gone, then something that jerks you out of normal routine life temporarily, no matter what it is. Look for the wows (not necessarily the same ones as you used to find as wows - things change...), and try to expand on them - a sunset -> try painting one, stay awake through one, etc. Lateral thinking in this case, I guess you could say. There was only one thing that really helped me though: talking to someone face to face. Finding out I wasn't alone in my feelings on here, and finding a few wows, family time as well really helped me prepare for the shock that real life is when you're living alive; but the thing that took me back there was a real person, sat next to me/walking around with me. <br />
All the best.<br />
D9

Hello, Dollyd, I have done that. A friend of mine early on had me do some of those tests. At first it was pretty bad, understandably, but as time went on and even now, my depression is so mild and fluctuates that I have found just talking here curbs it. I know I sound horrible at times, but it's my way of letting go so I don't bottle up.

hey,,try finding so help,,like taking some depression tests,(that they offer on line),they private,,from there you;ll be surprised how doors do open,,google Groups for depression,,seek and you shall find----from experience<br />
<br />
be blessed,& god be with you

lol Yeah, those are my sister's favorites. I get a dose of those three times a week. She sits there with her laptop and scrolls through them all the time. Her next favorite to show me is some short spoofs put on by some guy called Nigahiga. I don't know the link or I'd give it to you , but it's pretty silly and good for a laugh.<br />
Thanks Interestedhusband. :)

Redlady and Wowpup, one of the gotta have a laugh breaks that I take is LOLCATS at http://icanhascheezburger.com/ If you like cats, or even if you hate them, the cat and animal pics and the captions they give them are sometimes fall over laughing funny. Hope you enjoy.

My sister is good at finding funny things on youtube and makes a point of showing me. It helps. Everything settles itself in time. It always does, just have to find footing. :)

Gee this sounds so familiar that it's scary. Honestly it's like looking in a mirror as what i see in you, I see in me. I have been in a really bad space for about the last week & a half & it really got to me. I was wandering around in space with nowhere to go & nothing to do. I have really taken comfort in the friends & people in my circle in their advice & reading about other stories & i realised that i am not alone & that people i don't know very well, have given me so much support & caring words. It makes me feel special. Keep your chin up & maybe have a look on youtube at funny things. I look at funny animals & cute animals. I always get a laugh & feel better

Good Afternoon D9, hmmm I hadn't thought of that yet. To do that which I want to help me get into a fr<x>ame of mind to complete that which I need.<br />
I have been told to do what makes me happy because I deserve it, but I haven't known what makes me happy in a while. I do see what you mean about doing something for the sake of doing it. I will try that. I am feeling better. Thank you for understanding.

Morning (? - it is here) - I usually sign things D9 - my full alias was made in different times from now... <br />
Owch. I think I know what you mean now. I do have one thing to add: if ever there are a million and one things you need to get done, you may feel the need to do something you want to do (and for that sole reason). If you delay that even for a second, you'll find it a million times harder to do that which you need to get done. I've found pits like these appear whenever I delay that selfish need. We humans are capable of much more than we think we are - those million things on the list can be done super quick if only we are happy - as can be. <br />
Good luck, I hope you feel more alive soon =]<br />
-D9

Hello desperation, thank you. I try to keep a grasp on reality despite that which effects me most. I have a couple of things that hinder me, but at the bottom is my loss. My children's loss....our loss. It doesn't help that I'm going through the change of life. That causes some of my mood swings. It's like getting a double whammy at times. <br />
I appreciate the offer of comfort. I always welcome it.

theredlady: What a wonderful way to phrase it. Beautiful. All things are relative: there may be one tiny thing getting to you, you may not even realise it. But, without the chance to talk about it it can put you into places like this - even when you know how much other people are going through. Don't despair. As you say, it will pass. It might be good to figure out why it's happening - if something causes it. <br />
Blindedness - equally well put. I'm in awe of your understanding of your own situation. But you seem to be missing the reason. I wish I could offer comfort right now, and talk to you as I've talked to so many others. They all say they've talked to so many people about it already and it's done no good. But I have something different to offer. I just, haven't got it just now - it's been shaken out of me. As and when it reappears, look out for my name: I'll be writing about it. <br />
<br />
I wish you well, it can be basic things like sleep pattern, food pattern, etc. that send us to these dark places - I hope it's something simple like that for you. If so, please don't think of yourself as silly: the chemicals in your brain are making your life more difficult at the moment, and so you should forgive yourself of such small slips. <br />
<br />
COMFORT!!! I'm sorry that's shouting in a quiet, peaceful post... But you hit the nail on the head. That's what I had to offer. That's why people talked to me. Comfort. Now I know, I can learn to offer it once more. Thank you.

thank you jrabbit. I took a deep breath this morning and that pit just got a bit more shallow. thank you everyone for your comments. :)

sometimes you do just need to step back, breath, take a real look at things and move on. My friend and i last night were talking about depression. I think depression is good with-in reason. It makes us grow. It is a tricky subject and very serious but it will all be good if given the time. Good luck and breath

It's a shame to not be able to find comfort. I know, too, that sometimes it doesn't matter what anyone says, it just doesn't give you the solace you need. Many times I find myself just staying down until one day I wake up and the comfort or help I need has been staring me in the face all along and I was just too blind-sided with self-absorbtion and pity to see it clearly.

yea i know this feeling..coz i feel like this sometimes and feel lost too.. and i do nothing just sitting and thinking and wishing to talk to someone ..but i cant coz i dont feel comfort :/

There is only one person I feel comfortable talking to, and it helps, but sometimes I just get to a point where I feel drug out and lost. Adjusting to the changes in my life has taken a tole on me. I think if I could just step back and breathe, I could be okay.

Can you talk to any of yours Friends that you see in person? sometimes it does help to vent and talk about things that are on your mind and whats bothering you in life.I've also been through the Depression cycle but bounced back out.and when I say bounced I don't mean overnight but took a little time to crawl out.

I think maybe your right, but I don't know who to turn to. I have no money for this, but maybe there is someone.

sounds like depression to me,,been there with that issue---why don;t you try some professional help--been there fought like hell against--after all,,i loved my shrink--we all need a sounding board--that is other then praying to,and talking to god..be blessed--reach out--help is ther