I Master Bate To Get Rid Of The Pain

I master bated a lot as a child when I was angry and it has been that way for the last 10 years

I literally get headaches and get so angry I will master bate 5 or more times a day and or gasm from anger over and over

my jaws ache a lot with it and I have deep anger and high blood pressure and get dizzy from it at times

anything can bring on the anger...

its a bad feeling and I have no guy in my life and no means of finding any either

czaristacrystals czaristacrystals
36-40, F
5 Responses May 13, 2012

back years ago I used to blame myself ... I did try to make guys like me and most of the ones I liked did not like me <br />
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its not easy when guys are always telling you how ugly and un-important you are. its very hard to give love when no one is giving you any love or understanding or even treating like you count or that you are even human.... most of my life I have been treated like a small animal that is usable and abusable ... especially when it came to sexual things... I have never been treated like I am important but for Werner when I was a little girl. <br />
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men have rejected me so much and so many people have told me how ugly and spastic I am all my life its hard to see much else!<br />
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like people communicate with me dis-jointedly and strangly expecting me to understand ... so shouldn't I be allowed do it back!

i no i often feel like no etter then animail i find it hard to accept love but i saw u pics i not lesbian but i think u beutiful honey u need to find someone who loves u for the person u hard i no that hard because what u been through xxx

i no how u feel

thanks for understanding ... I am not writing this for jollies I have a serious sexual dysfunctional issue that goes as far back as when I was 6 years old ... my great uncle was molesting me from the age of 5 and I master bated a lot rubbing myself up against doors, or benches etc I had my first org asm when I was 6 or 7 at school going down a firemans pole and I didn;t even know what it was... it was exciting and became an addiction to ****** when I was upset or angry all through childhood ... and I was angry a lot with my great uncle hitting me and molesting me.... its so hard to talk about but I do need to talk about it ... no one in therapy would listen or take it seriously.
thanks for your tolerance and acceptance.

honey i was sexual abused from the age of 6 by 4 men like ritual abuse till i was 10 i no how u feel what u must be feeling i never told anyone but u words jumped out page at me pm if u like take care xxx

thanks for the words... I was also sexually abused by an older sister, cousin and a nurse in 1975, mentally abused by aunties and their husbands sexually assaulted me even as an adult they were doing it to me. my sisters male friends sexually assaulted me also.... one of her male friends Russell was a complete ar se hole who used to put me down and try to control me .... I never liked him at all. he was a complete yobo pig for some reason I pick up old men, yobo spastics, and never any quality men... my sisters male friends were so abusive I just hope I never see them ever again and of course the rapist. thanks for your words.

I hope they all rot in hell to be honest.

i no how u feel my life been full of pain

I am not a lesbian and romance and sexual love are not easy for many hetros anyway. well no.... I believe I need to find someone I love ... men who love me are usually below my standard and try to force themselves onto me ... that is NOT my idea of love so I do not agree with you there... I need to love them .. it will not help me a ugly fat dull spastic claiming he loves me when I do not love him OK&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt; so I don't like your words there and I will make that clear to you .... too many men try that act on me and they are ugly ... and mentally deformed ... I want a man I desire from the heart and physically. no compromise ever again... the pedo claimed he loved me.. the rapist may have for all I know ... guys my sister made me go out with may have claimed they love me but I did not love them... and never could.

yeh I am in a lot of mental pain and I worry I will end up in a mental hospital like my sister did having ECT ... my older cousins are trying to make out I am crazy to make me look less of a reliable witness to my own life and my sexual abuse claims ... I am in physical pain as well. suffering every moment. my life is filled with pain now til death... I feel suicidal tonight ... being abused .... it has to stop... I hate my relatives they are showing me what evil people they really are... and trying to discredit me .... I hope honesty and good will win in the end.

i hope good win i am in mental and physical pain to sweetie

ni i meant u need to wait find the right one sweetiexxx

6 More Responses

having a herpes rash makes it hard to enjoy pleasure anyway.... and I have to use a lot of creams etc and often left with a red rash that is sore and painful for days after any sexual stimulation or using sanitary napkins.

I have got into cutting ... gential mutialations with chemicals and heat and knifes to gentally cut for sexual pleasure ... now I have a huge vagina with marks and slash wounds ... and possible tumors developing.<br />
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I like near exphixiation with sexual org asm and have tried nipple clamps and that make your boobs turn blue and purple from squeezing to deal with the sexual anger Joyce Poorter told me to do... since she told me to have sex out of anger I have used so many ob<x>jects ... I didn't start vaginal insertions til I was 25 ( I could not even insert tampons) after talking to her... and I used to insert things out of anger ... shoe heels , umbrellas, candles, and anal insertions ... now I have found the virtues and joys of anal bleaching... I love the feeling of 6-9% peroxide bubbling up my butt... and I get fissures, bleeding and cuts from anal sharps insertions... oh well, no point keeping it in the family!<br />
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I found the more men abused me and rejected me the more psycho I have become. I used the vacum cleaner for org asm and master bated on the kitchen table was everyone was out and wore suspenders and used a rope on myself ... which was not easy to get out of when people are trying to get in after shopping. <br />
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I have had so much self sex and just unable to have sex with a man in a fulfilling way. when I was with the fat stinking ugly married sailor who date raped me ... it just was not the way I wanted to lose my vag inity .... <br />
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I didn't like anything about the sex with him.... it was vial ... he was fat and ugly and I think I deserved better to be honest. I would have preferred a younger cuter clever guy who was single and who would get to know me and have sex slowly ... I needed a man to put my needs first .... <br />
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I want a man who puts me first in everything... and asks me what I want and what I like and has considerations for me as an individual. like my dream was to meet a guy at university in the law library or something and for him to captivate my heart and want to study with me and look be friendly... not what ken did... no virgin would want that !! I am still looking for my prince charming but the older I am getting the more hurt and confused I am. <br />
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I did everything Joyce told me to do ... I moved out of home for a while and that did not help so I came back ... !

since the date rape it has been difficult for me to even express my sexual self and since getting this rash and fear of HIV etc I feel ugly and old... I feel fat and desperately suicidal at times ... and its been that way now for the last 10 years