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I Spank, So What?

I smack (or spank) my children and never really thought much about it until moving to another country and to a different type of area within that. Very different opinions there!

I have five children, my fifteen year old, Emily, ten year old, Ben, eight year old Josh, and my seven year old twins, Cameron and Theo. they are, and have been since about four, spanked.

If anyone dares say they spank their child where I am now, it is shouted down as child abuse. This is bad in many ways, although I understand why. There is a thin line between good, effective discipline which most parents will use, and abuse, and there is a danger that encouraging spanking will mean serious abuse will not be taken seriously, just as ordinary discipline. However, it means parents, like me, can't speak honestly about our parenting methods.

My fifteen year old is still smacked, and yes, this is very rare, and usually punishment is grounding, privileges taken away or writing an apology to an essay, or a bit of housework. If something serious has happened, after an explanation, she will be spanked. She is a teenager, and therefore I believe she should be mature enough for me not to resort to spanking, but she still will occasionally need it. When it, thankfully rarely, occurs, she will be spanked by hand, then with a hairbrush, for a while each, before being allowed about five or ten minutes break, usually lying over my lap still, before either I use a paint stick, a belt or a paddle. These will be used carefully, no damage, but is painful and instilled a sense of consequence and punishment in her, and the first part is actually what she thinks is the worst part.

As a teenager, she understandably feels embarrassed about having a bare bottom in front of her parent, but she soon forgets embarrassment when she's been smacked, and it also teaches her that whatever she thinks, she is still my child and will need to follow me until she is an adult, when she can do what she wants. For now, she isn't mature or adult enough, and having a bare bottom and being spanked means she remembers this, and remembers that this should mean she follows my rules.

My other children are a lot younger, as you can see, meaning punishment is handled differently. Each spanking will still be private, with a bare bottom, and is never taken lightly, but, especially with my seven year old twins, more common. Time outs and corner time are used for them when too angry to calm down, before a spanking is administered, so they have calmed down enough to process everything, and the spanking is a reminder that a punishment will follow, not just a chance to calm down and get away. With most other things, apart from things such as swearing, which they pick up from older children, or similar, where they will respond more to being talked about it, and given a punishment to make them think over a long period of time, such as lines we give spankings. They are usually the same length as with my daughter, but less severe. For my seven year olds, I spank with a hand, and then will use either a wooden spoon, slipper or paddle, although very rarely, they might get the belt, usually only for something incredibly serious. Again, they get a break part way through, and are talked to about their behaviour before, at the break, and after the spanking, to make sure they realise that they aren't being spanked because their mum hates them or whatever, but because they need to learn that that behaviour is wrong.

My ten year old is also different, and is treated accordingly. Children all have different mind sets, some respond better to spanking than others. All but Ben respond best to a varied mix, so groundings, housework, time outs, lines, corner time, writing apology notes, or missing out on treats or privileges are used, although with the younger ones, spanking is more regular. With all but my fifteen year old and Ben, rewards are used as incentives, with treats at the end of each week, and my daughter and Ben each chose when not to, they both felt it was 'babyish' but are rewarded in feelings and words instead, which mean just as much.

Ben is different in mind set. Due to complex behavioural issues, corner time and time out don't work, or grounding. He has dyslexia, which means that writing lines, or apology letters, is frustrating, impossible and downright cruel for him, and he doesn't look at consequences for most other punishments, so, even more than my other children, spanking is his punishment. Again, due to his mind set, we've altered how we did it for him, so he reacts in a way meaning he learns and is punished by it.

He will usually get spanked with the hand first, then be talked to. Then his dad will usually take over (I do all other spanking) and either usually a paddle or a belt. He will be talked to once more, then usually will be, more gently than anything you'd expect, be spanked with the hairbrush, with the last smacks by hand, usually only the last three lot four for emphasis. Unlike e others, when order can vary and is usually only made up by two or three parts, his has around four parts you could say, each one making him think more about his behaviour. He will usually get a mild spanking about twice a week, and a medium one once a month or so, a severe one will vary extremely.

Since he was one, my lovely nephew has lived with us, now aged five, we are beginning the process again, and have see it in a new light, one of spanking another child. We have exactly the same parental feelings towards him. He feels like our child, he basically is our child, but we are also aware that had a family outside of his relatives adopted him, he probably wouldn't be spanked at all. Introducing it is long and hard. Since about three, he will be smacked once sharply on his bottom, or have his pants and underwear pulled down then smacked once, as a shock, as he was boisterous and didn't respond to much else when in certain moods, but we also implemented other non physical methods of course. From there, he slowly got spanked or put over my or my husband's lap and smacked the few times, and has recently been paddled.

They learn and low because of and with spanking, and I am proud that my children are effectively disciplined and are generally well behaved, ignoring the amazing results of moderate, thought out discipline is, to my mind, very stupid.
purpleheather purpleheather 36-40, F 5 Responses Feb 9, 2013

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I can relate to the experience of moving to a different culture in a different country.

My nephews, 8, 12 and 14, are caned by their fathers when they are at home in Tunisia, so they accept they will be caned by me when they stay with me for 40 weeks of the year. (They attend a private school here in England.) Also, they have a number of Moslem friends here in England who receive corporal punishment from their fathers who are of Punjabi origin, and their Saturday school Koran teacher advocates the use of the rod.

However, despite this accepting sub-culture the prevailing ethos in England is anti-corporal punishment, so I have to be careful. I do not discuss the subject with English acquaintances, and I always cane the boys on Friday evenings so that the marks of the cane on their bottoms have a chance to fade over the weekends before they can be seen by other boys in the school changing rooms during the school week.

Do other parents spank on Fridays for the same reason?

You people are all the same.

Of course you are right to spank! I and my wife spank our two children, and have done since they were 4-5 years old (now they are 8 and 13 years old) We spanking parents should be proud. We help our children to become the responible Citizens of the future.

I very much commend your approach!

I was spanked when I was a kid but never abused, there is a difference. I think that's the problem with today's youth and there lack of morals, respect, and wanting to do right over wrong knowing very well what the difference is. If more people punished there kids when they deserved it there wouldn't be 10 year olds running around with guns thinking its cool instead of deadly! If you ask me sending them to the corner or to there room that's full of cell phones, tvs, games and what not just gives them the chance to figure out how not to get caught the next time instead of deciding the punishment isn't worth the act.

Oh and for those thinking I'm exadurating an 11 year old in my neighborhood got picked up not to long ago for armed robbery on a convince store. It does happen, not all of us are lucky enough to live next door to the Brady bunch