I Hasn't Gone To Cafe For A Long Time

            Hello, everyone. I am tuboshu, a Chinese married woman. Actually,I have been married since 19Th,June,2009.
            Now, nothing new happened in my daily life.I quited my job 2 months ago to prepare for an exam,which my family wanted me to pass ,however, I had no expectation as high as them.I spent a lot of time by myself since June,2010.
            About 1 year ago, I lived in another city, that city is very clean and beautiful. I am poor as before,but in that city ,I felt a little better.Maybe I didn't't't know anyone there, no one "cares"me there, that made me relaxed.I miss the time I sitting on the soft sofa at Starbucks,enjoying the music and writing my dairy.I also miss the day I looking for a job and finally a big training center hired me.At that time, my lover still worked for a state-owned enterprise (In china ,this job is good).The most important thing is that, men are equal there, we don't care about  the "privilege"as much as here.People there realistic ,but not judgmental.Here ,we have a lot of relatives,most of them look down us ,and give a us a charity look. They don't know, the most helpful thing is respect ,not alms.They thought we should listen to them,and did what they told us to do.Me and my lover are living in difficult time ,We can't take down by the real pathetic situation,we struggle for a living.
          There are a lot of cafes in my living city. But it seems that  these doors of Cafes only opened to the rich and the couples.If you are alone, and you come to a cafe ,you will be judged as a jobless or shiftless person.Every time I meet a cafe on the way,I have to restrict myself not look inside.I tell myself, this city has a very different definition about coffee and Cafe ,which I am not qualified with.I drunk a lot of coffee at home.One day ,I get a not-so-bad job ,I will push the door of the cafe, and enjoy the quiet moment again. Unfortunately ,none of my friends can understand my obsession about coffee. 
          My father killed himself in his office 8 years ago.Since his death, my mom turned to the Christ for help, I turned the right man for help.Now, it proved I am wrong.In a marriage, no one can be just the relier.Man and woman are equal in the marriage.Otherwise, this will be a lose .So I want to say :"Dad, No matter how tough the real life is, I won't to give up.Life is going on without you".
          This is my little empty story,that's all.
tuboshu tuboshu
22-25, F
4 Responses Aug 10, 2010

thank you ,swan99. your comment is sweet.

I'm sorry that you are having such a difficult time; i hope things get better for you.

thank you for the comment.<br />
Being married is kind of lucky.I should cherish it. But the city I living now, is not pretty at all.

i never go to the cafe!<br />
hey come on..u are married and u live in a beautiful city ..and i think u are more beautiful^^