I Don't Think Of It As A Negative Thing Anymore

Growing up I had a few friends and one best friend in particular. It was exhausting. I was a reluctant friend at best. I've always been a person that didn't like to borrow stuff from others because I didn't want them asking me. I hated waiting for people, meeting up at places, waiting for the gang to get there. I never liked big groups. People act differently in groups than they do one on one and I wasn't the type to put on an act or show out for others. Even when I was around a lot of people I always kind of felt alone.

In grammar school and high school everybody is packed together like a can of sardines. There is always pressure to have friends and be seen with the right people. I tried to play that game the best I could. I was miserable, though. In college I started drifting away from the people I grew up with. Nothing dramatic happened, I just lost contact with most of them. I discovered that my "friends" didn't seek my company if I didn't seek theirs. In college I moved out of the dorms and lived alone. I was lonely and depressed for a long time. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. Eventually I finally figured it out. I'm an introvert. It took me about 20 something years to discover that.

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26-30
3 Responses Jan 17, 2012

I totally feel you bro, i was the same, in fact I am the same but I have multiple la<x>yers of fakeness over that introvert me. Sometimes when I think deep enough, I realize that Im better of with myself than with a whole bunch of unlike minded people, never found a like minded person yet. <br />
" I discovered that my "friends" didn't seek my company if I didn't seek theirs." is probably my favorite quote, I feel that way. But at the same time you gotta realize that the world is designed that way, if you have nothing to offer, no one will gravitate. As in say your friends discovered that you have a ferrari or 100 million $, then youll see all the fakness gravitating towards you.

Reading your story, it sounded like my life growing up...I have come to the same conclusion as you....and I too am OK with it...Thanks.....

Like your story my family and what few friends I have cant understand why i say to myself

I need to work on accepting my lack of friends and staying alone. I stay single alot the women i have met wants someone to go out with them all the time with social anxiety and panic attacks that is impossible for me to do.

good idea thank you I may need some medicine to help and I dont know what to ask the doctor for

I'll scedule an appointment