Its Been That Way Most Of My Life

I have no magnetising pull to get good people into my life unless I am thin and looking perfect.... that is the only time  guys want to know me...
women only want to know me when I am fat and ugly so I am no competition.

but my life is so like the Bee Gees song "somehow I always end up alone"

its ok you get used to it.   I sat alone at college a great deal, and university,  I can't seem to get friends of my own who are genuine

I get reluctant to trust people then.

I have never been in a relationship that was satisfactory to me.  I have always been forced to go out with my sisters male reject friends. and the only guys who try to hit onto me are either old or simple, or married and fat and boring. and I have absolutely had enough of it.  I want a man in my life who is perfect for me... who is thin, cute, clever, suave, all those things.   I am sick of my sister forcing dead beat yobos onto me... I am sick of my sister saying things to me like "Oh I always thought it would be you with the classy guy, and its me!" in a very scoffy, hurtful arrogant tone.  or "I am the only clever one in this family you're all stupid" when I was forced to look after her little boy and was having a nervous break down myself that my therapist would not even help me with.... Joyce ignored my needs and dreams and issues but helped everyone else but me, another arrogant smerking scoffy 6itch

I am sick of that

then I end up alone ... fat and desperately unhappy... or I am forced with men who depress me senseless... like russel, keith or peter or that married ken carey freak who date raped me.   


I AM SICK OF BEING EVERYONE'S GAPING CUT UP KICKED IN C U N TT!!!!!  i MEAN IT... I am sick of it so much its killing me what people are doing to me. 

its going to kill me before long.   

every time I have asked for help from people no matter how - they abuse me and ignore anything I say.

I am sick of it.

would it have been too much for Joyce to care and listen? or for william to put me first instead of joyce ? she already had a husband and baby and career and house and car and holdiays ... I was a young woman that needed help from a nice guy...

people are going to have to start putting my needs first as I have been so generous to others and neglecting myself ... its time people thought of me for a change.

czaristacrystals czaristacrystals
36-40, F
1 Response May 10, 2012

I know this sounds cliche. But please, try and put these things behind you. These people are all being used in a negative way to bring you down and doubt your self emotionally. It's time to let the past go and try to turn a new page. Honestly I've been where you are... I'm still getting thru my crap, sexual abuse is the worst to get over , but it's possible! Don't let these crazy people take control of your mind,thoughts etc! Haven't they taken enough? Stand your ground, pray that only positive genuine people enter your life from now on and don't accept anything less! Times will get better for you!