I Need to Vent

I'm glad I found this group and that I'm not alone in my aloneness.  I've been living alone most of my adult life and have always spent a lot of time by myself, but this time I have really almost dropped out of socializing.  Also, I work at home so except for my coworkers on the computer I'm not even around people at work.

The reason it's different this time is because I am not beating myself up, wondering what is wrong with me for not having enough friends, being in a "romantic" relationship, etc.  And I'm no longer grieving over being so disconnected with family. So most of the time I am content and I am doing my own thing, enjoying it, and for once not trying to get involved in something or with someone.

But right now I'm angry and annoyed; it seems like the few friends I have/had recently want more from me than I am willing to give. Over the last 15 years or so I gave so much of myself -- I am just tired of it. So if I even get a sense of someone becoming too needy I close up.  I don't answer their calls.  Look, I am not trying to be egotistical here but I have gained a lot of wisdom and compassion and understanding over my years of hard-won lessons.  People like that, and I think want to be around me.    But I can only go so far nowadays -- I don't want to be anyone's crutch. 

Because when it comes down to it, in those rare instances I need someone to lean on, they can't do it.  They just want to tell me what to do or not to do.  So I prefer being alone most of the time. 

Where does one find friends who are similar, who can be equal in the sharing, the giving & recieving??  I haven't seen it.

Still I like to socialize sometimes but because I have said no at times to people they take it as a complete rejection of themselves!  Then there are others that I have made efforts to be friends with and they don't reciprocate. 

I just don't get it. I don't understand why it has to be so hard, so complicated!!  And I am saying this after I've gotten to a pretty good place with myself and other people. 

Human relationships are the most complex and frusterating thing!!     Ok.  Thank you for allowing me to vent.

Rooanne Rooanne
56-60, F
7 Responses Mar 12, 2009

me too, I wish I did have friends, I feel lonely and left out most of the time. on the computer wishing people would just talk to me. so please, talk to me

I have already commented on this story, but there is something I would like to add. I am a good listener and people take advantage of it. They talk at me as though they have never before been listened to. When I need to talk, they are too busy or they immediately change the subject back to talking about themselves. As Rooanne said, where is the reciprocity?

Who makes the rules?why cant we just be ourselves?have always sspent a lot of time alone,most of the time I LIKE ME,Then,again,there are times i like company,good conversations,refuse to fit into any one else`s mold,you seem fine to me,blessings

I guess it's because most people are thinking about themselves & what they want/need. That's where I am at right now! It's not that we mean to be like that, at least most people don't. But living alone, I have often thought --what if something happens? No one would know for a while, because people don't think to call to see how I am. I'm ok with that now, though.

I live alone and as I don't drive, I spend most of my time at home with my pets. <br />
Many people just don't understand that friendship is a two way thing. I'll be there for you, and it would be nice if you were there for me. As you say, they don't get reciprocity.

Thank you! Yes I'm happy to have discovered this place. It's better than other social networking sites - IMHO.

Been there and done that, as I bet a lot of people have. You're not alone, believe me. It's modern life! But it is great that there is EP. You can do as much or as little as you want, with as many or as few people as you want, no strings. That's pretty neat, I think.