Not Bad Company
I spend a lot of time by myself, at first it was not by choice but eventually it has become preferable. The majority of my life has been in the public eye, I never had my own room, shared a bed and bathroom, my home has always been open to those who needed help and I never turned anyone away. Two years ago I had a spinal cord injury and I could no longer help others but in fact I needed others to help me. Funny how people react when you ask them to help, I found mself alone, I would go to the bathroom and there was no one outside the door wanting to talk to me, I sleep in my bed alone, watch what I want to watch on T.V. I play the music I like, read a book or go on line. What I have discovered is I enjoy my own company, I am not boring or stupid, in fact I rather enjoy myself. I love learning new and different things, keeping up with current events, being aware of this world we are all apart of. When I have company or join others for dinner or drinks, I am confident I can be an interesting conversationalist and I enjoy myself because I know I get to leave when ever I want and be alone. Knowing I don't have to go out at all gives me power, knowing I can go out if I choose to gives me power; I have been at a place of fear in having to go out and that made me feel powerless. It took me a long time and hard work to get over the fear of leaving my home or being with others and of being alone, now as I have said I find myself to be very entertaining. Giving myself permission to not go out or to not be with others made it ok, not wrong, then I had no reason to be guilty or bad. This was a possitive turning point for me, isolation is not necessarily bad, what you do with isolation, that can be .... a whole new topic.