Not Bad Company

I spend a lot of time by myself, at first it was not by choice but eventually it has become preferable.  The majority of my life has been in the public eye, I never had my own room, shared a bed and bathroom, my home has always been open to those who needed help and I never turned anyone away.  Two years ago I had a spinal cord injury and I could no longer help others but in fact I needed others to help me.  Funny how people react when you ask them to help, I found mself alone,     I would go to the bathroom and there was no one outside the door wanting to talk to me, I sleep in my bed alone, watch what I want to watch on T.V.  I play the music I like, read a book or go on line.  What I have discovered is I enjoy my own company, I am not boring or stupid, in fact I rather enjoy myself.  I love learning new and different things, keeping up with current events, being aware of this world we are all apart of.  When I have company or join others for dinner or drinks, I am confident I can be an interesting conversationalist and I enjoy myself because I know I get to leave when ever I want and be alone.  Knowing I don't have to go out at all gives me power, knowing I can go out if I choose to gives me power; I have been at a place of fear in having to go out and that made me feel powerless.  It took me a long time and hard work to get over the fear of leaving my home or being with others and of being alone, now as I have said I find myself to be very entertaining.  Giving myself permission to not go out or to not be with others made it ok, not wrong, then I had no reason to be guilty or bad.  This was a possitive turning point for me, isolation is not necessarily bad, what you do with isolation, that can be .... a whole new topic. 

mollydd mollydd
15 Responses Nov 26, 2009

I am not sure you have made a true assessment of you situation. But, I could be wrong. I do not like being alone but have chosen to be because that way I am not a disappointment or embarrassment to anyone. I feel uncomfortable even with my brothers and sisters I grew up with. I try to encourage myself to do things around the house.. but for who.. I have only had 5 or 6 visitors in the last 3 years. And, I am not even in the situation you are. So keep being strong. God bless you.

I've just read your story. I actually understand you. I spent most of this summer in my homecity. You know, lack of money .. Most of my friends were away and I was left alone. But in reality I was not alone. I had me. I know, it sounds weird. I always had fear of being alone, without any friends. This year I realized that it is not so bad. I spent most of the time reading books, drawing and playing saxophone. Thank you for you story :)

mollydd I read "Not Bad Company" Written on November 26th, 2009.It shows an age of 13-15.I was thinking as I read,ummmm age 13 to 15 yet you speak of " join others for dinner or drinks".I'm thinking how could this be if you're a minor.Just wonderin.[hugs]

Very open, honest, and smack dab pretty post here. i enjoyed reading it a great deal and I'm happy that you have found solace in your own company. It shows a great deal of maturity and insight, good for you.

I reckon the poster should put what she has written, onto a dating add, she could be swamped with male callers due to her honesty.

I seem to have always been alone . . . . even in my work.

Well, I like my own company too and I spend alot of time by myself mainly because I love dreaming. I write my dreams and play them, feel them, I am the GOD of my world and this world is so entertaining that I never feel alone. I love the life when I am dreaming. I can say I live in my own dreams so I do not like to spend so much time with the outside world. I can communicate with two or three people well, but when there is a huge crowd, I lose my self-confidence. <br />
By the way I feel to be a little bit boring for the other people at my age:( But I can be a mate who inspires the others, so if u feel lonely or down, write to me, I promise to try my best;)<br />
I am alone with my computer most of the time. since I am shy I was lucky to find EP in order to have some contacts with people with the feeling of safety.<br />
I always thank god to give the human fantasy...I suggest u to discover visualization which will never leave u alone. Just build ur perfect world and live in it everyday.<br />

Well like everything in life you have to keep a balance. It's great when people feel good when they are alone but like the eternal dance of the ying and yang you need one to have the other. I'm glad that you fond your way through that. Thats what spending time by yourself gives you time and the peace you need to reflect and meditate .

I prefer to be alone as well. Growing up i acted a certain way to hide the fact i had depression and was physically abused. I lied and didnt want people to be a part of my life. I decided that life was better alone and i am terribly afraid of being around other people. most of the time i am by myself and really love my own company.

I just read your wonderful wanting to be alone story, it i empowering because I love my own company now for the past 10 years. i am sixty three years. I love my own company, like you I am a good conversationlist when I am in company. i like to be fully aware of all that is changeing in the world around me. I go on line but prefer to be in my own company reading a book, indoors, ourdoors where ever but it is peace of mind for me.

Being lonely and alone are two different things. Thank you for sharing your story I find comfort in knowing that I'm not alone in my contentment with being alone.

Wonderful. Thanks for the uplifting share.

u have to find ways to solve a problem like loneliness i think its a perfect way to do enjoy it yourself..

Could it be that you're disappointed to find others didn't help you when you helped them a lot? You'll get your reward for helping them even if they turn their back on you! I believe that. Perhaps you didn't get your reward like kindness from them, but i think there must be other good things which comes from many aspects in your life... <br />
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The fact that you can join others for dinner or drinks means that you can talk with them properly. I always find myself not be able to talk with people even in my working environment when there are gatherings for celebration...You're better than me then!..:).. I can even talk an interesting conversation... My talk with people usually only lasts for some times, after that I find that they're not interesting in what I talk about... You must be a good talker since you know a lot because you read news, you keep up to date with events?...<br />
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But I know one thing for sure, I won't know if I actually have good characters if it's not tested in relationships with others.... <br />
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Sorry if I say it wrong.......

This is true. I spend a lot o my time alone as well. I grew up poor, and my parents were always at work. My brother was never a person to be around. My sister was my only friend. After she moved out, there was no one for me to talk to. i then began to reach out to mysslf. If you need to talk ill be here. :)