I was thinking of the steps that people in grief go through and thought that we T'girls, the transgendered, go through something similar. I call it


Realization - The first step, you realize that either you were born as the wrong sex, or you feel like you should be a girl, or that you are just not like the other boys or all three.


Envy – You're envious of the other sex, why can’t you be pretty, wear those clothes, be soft, wear makeup, grow breasts, have long hair, wear pretty earrings, and be treated like a princess?


Anger – You don’t want this; you didn’t ask for this, why can’t you just be like other guys? You think if I just tough it out, in time it will go away. You think it’s just a fetish, I don’t really want to be a girl, that’s just nuts. The military is what I need; make a man out of me or marriage will cure me.


Lying – You pretend to be the sex you were born, acting the part, getting married, having kids, being the good husband and father, the good provider but all the while feeling like a fraud, a cheat, a shame, and most of all a failure. Even if your wife tells you are wonderful and how blessed she is to have you, a knife in the heart could not hurt worse.


Information – Google becomes your friend, you search for transgender, hormones, MTF, sex change, transition, the how and what of it all. It becomes an obsession at times. Joining forums, posting blogs, and reaching out to others like you. Trying to figure what you are, while trying, desperately, to maintain that realistic Male Facade. You seek out a therapist. You experiment with estrogenic herbs and maybe estrogen itself just to see.


Tipping point – the point of no return, the point at which you can’t live this way anymore. Your pain is greater than any pain you may cause your loved ones. It’s either become the woman you feel you need to be or go nuts, or worse.


Yes – A plan, moving forward, the thrill of estrogen, a changing body, the mirror becomes more the friend rather than the enemy. You come out, you tell the truth, you tell who you really are, you release to the world the wonderful woman that you know has been hiding for so very, very long. You say YES to the life that has been denied.



Ellefem Ellefem
51-55, T
2 Responses Nov 27, 2012

You pretty much covered it for 98% of us. If circumstance for me were different I would porobably seeking those herbal suppliments now too.

My God, you have hit the nail squarely on the head! I'm going to print it and keep it handy for those times that I become confused or depressed.