Hmm

So i went on holiday with the boyfriend and had to eat obviously.
being someone who doesnt like the thought of eating food it was such a challenge,
im not saying the food didnt taste good , it was lovley
but it was always he aftermath
knowing i had eaten and missing the empty feeling , feeling dirty
yesterday was my first full day of not eating since have been back, so im waiting for the three day mark , because thats usually when i notice change in my body .
you dont realise how much food is a social factor,
its crazy , yesterday i went to a friends bbq but didnt eat i made a lie up and said i had been to a resturaunt before for a relatives birthday i had to tell my boyfriend that i have to do courswork sunday just to get out of eatng a cook dinner with him and his family.
i dont no if i have an eating disorder , i dont think i do , because i can control it and im not exactly bones yet. .
i love being told i look skinny , i love the feeling of sucsess , the truth is , i even like feeling weak .ifyou think this is weird , you obviously dont understand an never understand what this kinda of grip can do or has on someone,
hollay hollay
18-21, F
Jul 10, 2010