I Starve Myself,and I Used To Make My Self Throw Up

During school, i always skip breakfast, lunch, and sometimes dinnerr . i just drink something to get full . and i lose weight by doing tht . but when summer comes around, i always gain that weight back ! i hate it . beccause everyone around me, notices when i lose weight, and i feel a little better abt myself . but i'm still fat ! people say no yurr not ! but i think they say tht to be nice . . . i now i'm at least chubby, but i think thts why some guys dnt like me . . starving myself works, very well actually . i lost like 10 pounds, and i could actually tell . i loved the way it was working . . but my friends ddnt like wht i was doing, but it's my choice not theirs, and i can do whtevr the hell i wnt . aha i always feel insecuree around other girls who are skinnier than me . . beccause i bet they're happier . . i act like i'm happy, but i'm miserable . i think i actually hate myself, beccause everytime i get the courage to eat one little thing, my brother (he doessnt know i starve myself sometimes) says " wow, yurr eating again, fatass." i think he's right . . even when i dnt eat he calls me tht, no matter wht, he always has to say something . i dnt like the way i look, i've actually made myselff throw uhp, not too long ago, abt 9 times . . i know its bad but, once yu do it, yu feel better abt yurrself . but i stopped . and another time my brother said something really mean, so i actually cut my wrist . only once, andi'm never doing it again . i have slight scars, but noone really knows except a couple people . .

i hope someone else understandss . . .

please reply .
idntcareanymore idntcareanymore
2 Responses Jul 25, 2010

I completely understand !

i am in the exact same position your in. i starve and then when i measle up the will to eat, my mom or sister look down on me. i throw up almost every day, twice a day, and i weigh myself like 5 times. i understand.